Rejection is a part of life



Things didn’t go well last Saturday; however, I refuse to let a single bad experience spoil my plans. It takes all kinds to make the world go round, and the fact that I happened to get snubbed on my first real attempt at dating in years, is just a horrible coincidence. At least I hope that it’s that simple. On the other hand, what if I’m just so unattractive that I am unable to create desire in anyone? Where does that leave me in the grand scheme of things?

As I mentioned before; I hate rejection. What took place last Saturday afternoon wasn’t really the worst kind of rejection, however. Even if she did do a drive-by and decided not to take the time to get to know me, at least I know that I was rejected for my looks alone. Some of you may say that that’s the worst kind of rejection, but I beg to differ.

Being rejected based on looks alone, is actually much less painful than being rejected after actually meeting and getting to know someone. In that instance, you know that the rejection runs deeper than looks alone; you are being rejected because of who you are.

She may have taken a look at me and rejected me instantly, but that was the only reason. She did not reject me for my personality, so in a way, that’s less painful. There are many unattractive guys with great personalities.

I am not attractive by any means, but I do mange to shine in other areas. I’m a good conversationalist, and I have a pretty broad knowledge in many subjects. Given the chance, I usually fair pretty well as far as keeping the conversation lively.

But let’s face it: looks will always matter. If only there was some way to get by that initial first impression.

I got stood up

Last Saturday, I drove about an hour to meet a contact from one of the dating sites. That entire hour on the road was filled with nothing but obsessive and anxious thoughts. I considered turning back more than once because I felt that I was not ready for an actual encounter yet. I needed to work a little more on my appearance; in particular, my weight problem.

In all honesty, it’s really only an excuse to avoid the potential pain of rejection. There will always be something that isn’t quite right; some improvement that needs to be made. In other words, I can always find fault, and I can always talk myself out of meeting and dating women.

Driving up to the front of the coffee shop, I was a bundle of nerves. What would she think of me? I mean, what would she really think of me beyond the obligatory social niceties? I hoped that she would at least be honest and not put on a phony front just to get through the date. I hate social phoniness even more than being rejected. But I was getting carried away thinking of things that might, or might not, happen. I needed to focus and handle the situation as it unfolded.

I got out of the car and walked towards the front of the shop, mentally going through my list of conversation topics. There is nothing more uncomfortable than awkward silence on a first date.

Although I knew what she looked like from her photo on the dating site, she also mentioned that she would be wearing a blue plaid coat. I decided to meet her in front of the coffee house so that we could order together. I was a few minutes early so I sat outside and read a paper. Fortunately, it was unseasonably mild for this time of year.

I kept looking over the paper every few minutes so that I didn’t miss her. It was now 1:10pm and still no sign of anyone. Even though she was only 10 minutes late, I had a feeling that she might be a no-show. However, there was the very real possibility that she could be stuck in traffic.

Several cars had driven past me while I waited. The coffee place was part of an outdoor plaza, so the parking lot and front laneway were fairly busy. At one point, I could have sworn that I saw her drive by in a late model Jetta, but I couldn’t be sure.

After waiting another 45 minutes, I decided that this was just not going to happen. It was mild outside, but sitting on an outdoor patio for an hour in December is about all I could handle. She may have been caught in traffic or had a car breakdown, so the urge to stay a little longer was pretty strong. Imagine if she was stuck in traffic and finally arrived, only to find out that I had stood her up.

So, with that in mind, I went inside and ordered my second cup of coffee to stay. I managed to get a seat by the window and slowly sipped my drink – watching the front of the store.

With each passing minute, my mood deteriorated. At 3pm, my coffee was finished and so was I. The more I think about it, she was probably driving that Jetta after all. Doing a drive-by in a parking lot releases one from any sense of social responsibility. There is a certain detachment from the situation as one cruises by at 40km/hr. If she had parked and walked up to the shop, there would have been at least some obligation to acknowledge me and to possibly sit through an hour of boring conversation with someone who is so far out of her league, it’s laughable.

I spent most of the day on Sunday beating myself up and going over the whole situation in my head, analyzing every minute detail.

Contacting her is not an option. I want to keep a little self-respect. If she needs to get in touch, she has my email address.

Sigh…

Here I am - your overweight date

I am so nervous about my date that I can’t concentrate on anything. I might have only slept about 2 hours in total last night. The more I think about it, the more I feel like canceling. Not that I don’t want to meet her, it’s just that I’d feel so much better if she knew what I looked like. I have no idea what her expectations are going to be. I feel sick.

It’s down to the crunch now. I’m borrowing my Mom’s car and I’ll be leaving around 11am. So I’ve only got a few hours to put on the finishing touches. Actually, I’m pretty well committed because it’s too late to cancel now, and there is no way I’m going to stand her up – that would be low. I’d rather just suffer through whatever fate has in store for me.

The next time I write in this blog, I’ll be a changed man – one way or the other.

I have a date


It looks like I have a date for Saturday afternoon. Well, not so much a formal date, more like coffee. – But hey, it’s a start.

Yes, I heard back from my dating site contact. Her name is Beth. She sent me a message on Monday saying that she was surprised to hear from me after all this time. She didn’t seem pissed off at the fact that I abruptly stopped my correspondence. In fact, she said that she hoped everything was ok with me. The world needs more people like her.

We decided that we would meet halfway, in a small town about 40 km from my home. It’s only going to be a casual coffee and a bit of conversation; nothing major. Also, we are meeting in the afternoon which is good because I find that the “day date” is less stressful; I don’t know why. I’ll most likely have to borrow a car. I think that showing up on a bus would send out the “loser” vibe.

So, I’ve got two days to calm down and try to do everything humanly possible to make a good first impression. From a physical standpoint, there is not much more I can do to improve things unless I can lose 30 pounds overnight. I’m wearing contacts, I just got my hair cut, I have some good, casual clothes I can wear, and I’m 20 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago.

I don’t know why I’ve got this hang-up about my appearance. Really, I’m not grotesque or anything, it’s just that I have this nagging feeling that I’m not good-looking enough to have anyone desire me. Yes, major self-esteem issues, I know.

I am torturing myself over the fact that I didn’t send her my picture. If I had done so, this would all be genuine – all the cards would be on the table, so to speak. As it stands right now, there is a big uncertainty hanging over my head. Since she doesn’t know what I look like, there is still the real possibility that she might reject me, flat out.

I could probably save a lot of time and hassle if I just send her a recent photo. I don’t look as bad as I did 3 months ago, but I still have a long way to go. If I do that then get a message back that she’s not feeling well and has to cancel, at least I’ll be saving a trip.

So, that’s the question. Do I want to get rejected online before the date, or would I prefer to get turned down in person? Hmmm…

A dating site romance - is it possible?


About 3 months ago, I posted several ads in some free dating sites. About half of those included my picture. The goal was to get a true feeling for where I ranked in the pecking order when it came to attracting women. Not one of the picture profiles drew a response, and those whom I contacted first were not interested. I think my photo was the determining factor.

Why would I put myself through such torture? Well, essentially, it was my own private social experiment, and I needed the real-world, no nonsense truth – as painful as it was.

While most of the responses were negative, I did manage to have a conversation with one person that lives about an hours drive from me. She initiated the first contact and said she liked my profile. Obviously, this was a site that did not include my picture. We conversed a few times and she sent me her photo. I didn’t know what to do after that, because I didn’t want to blow the whole thing by forwarding my pic to her. I covered up by saying that I wanted to get a more recent snapshot to send. I never bothered to message her back, and I didn’t return to the site.

Since that time, I abandoned that online dating site out of shame. Actually, it had been weeks since I checked my messages on any of the dating sites. I wanted nothing more to do with them because of the failure I experienced.

On Thursday evening, I signed-on to a few of the more popular sites just for curiosity’s sake. I wasn’t expecting any more responses or any activity at all, really. I don’t know why I even bothered.

I had no new messages on every profile except for the one I had vowed never to sign in to again. In all honestly, I had forgotten about the whole incident. My message box indicated that I had 3 messages – the last one dated more than a month ago - all three were from the same woman I snubbed. I was expecting them to be scathing and full of hate, but to my surprise, she seemed to be genuinely concerned that she hadn’t heard from me. I detected a little sadness in the last message, however.

On Thursday evening, I sent her a long apology and hoped that she would get it. Who knows, maybe she doesn’t even go to that service anymore. If she does receive it, I’m hoping that she forgets about the whole photo thing.

It’s Sunday morning and still no response. I’ll keep checking back over the weekend. You just never know. In all honesty, this is the closest I’ve come to chatting with a female that I might actually be able to ask out.

A new job - a new life


Most of my earned income is generated from contract work I do over the internet. While it’s great to be able to do my own thing, it can be a lonely way of life. I don’t interact with anyone except via e-mail. Needless to say, I’m not in contact with many people in the course of a day.

Getting out and meeting new people is going to have to be a priority. Sitting around the house, working or not, is not going to do anything to help my situation. I need to get as much social exposure as I can. You never know who you are going to meet around the next corner.

However, even if I did get out and get a real job, I’d still be confined to the male dominated world of software programmers. I doubt that this kind of work environment will be conducive to increasing my social exposure.

That’s why I’m considering a drastic, although temporary, career change.

As it stands right now, my bills are minimal. Yes, I know it’s only because I’m living at home, however, I do appreciate that, and the fact that it allows me the freedom to experiment a little.

Even though I get paid very well for what I do, my current income would not be enough to fully support me because I only work about 20 hours a week. Why only 20 hours? Well, to be honest, I have only managed to get that much work coming in. Maybe, deep down, that’s all I’m aiming for because I love my free time.

Lately, however, I have thought about getting a full-time job in something totally unrelated to software programming - a job where I can meet new people and hopefully make new friends. Besides, I’m a little tired of the work I’m doing at the moment – I need a change.

Mingling with people at work is a double edged sword. It’s easy and convenient to make friends this way, however, should things take a turn for the worse, I’d still be obligated to maintain a professional relationship. This can be quite difficult, depending upon the situation. On the other hand, co-workers can provide a means to meet new people and potential friends whom are not work related.

I thought I might try something in the retail or hospitality sector. I realize that these jobs can be low-paying, but I also think I would enjoy meeting new people and taking a break from my self-imposed isolation.

What job will I be applying for exactly? Well, I’m open to just about anything at the moment.

Creating opportunity


Increasing my friendship base is not going to be easy. After all, most people my age are busy getting on with their lives. They run in different circles and are more likely to have common interests related to work, relationships, kids, and finding a great interest rate for their mortgage. I, on the other hand, am still living like a teenager in my parent’s basement.

Getting depressed over how miserable my life has turned out is not going to do anything for me, however. I’m not going to get bogged down with the past – what’s done is done.

As far as meeting new people… well, that might take a little creative thinking. I don’t want to just go out with the sole purpose of meeting new friends; that would just make me look desperate. I think a better approach would be to find something that truly interests me, and get involved with that. Meeting new people would just be a natural result of getting out and doing something.

Choosing an activity to get involved with should be fairly simple. I have a wide variety interests and hobbies.

I am thinking of joining a group through meetup.com or taking a night-school class at the local high school.

The only limitation I am going to place on this is that I want to get involved in an activity where the male/female ratio does not work against me. I’ve been in competitive situations like that before and I don’t do well.

I remember an automotive class I signed up for years ago. There were at least 12 guys and only one female. She was 40ish, and very, very plain looking. She was not the type to get a second look by any guy in public. However, in this class, she was treated like a queen. It was like some big competition between the men in the class to see who could get her attention. Of course, the better looking, more outgoing guys seemed to garner most of the attention. That left me sitting in the sidelines.

It’s all to do with supply and demand. Human behavior is bizarre at times.

New strategy - not looking for a date


“Do what you love, and the money will follow,” is some very sound, philosophical advice for entrepreneurs. It suggests that people stop trying so hard to get rich, and work at something they are passionate about. Do that well, and the money will follow.

There is a lot to be said for directing our efforts towards enjoying the journey instead of simply achieving the goal. While you should have a goal, the method you use to get there is equally important. Employing the “whatever it takes” approach, will not necessary guarantee success.

I’m sure this very idea can be applied to the dating world.

Asking women out, until one finally says yes, is a prime example of how one can easily become short-sighted. By playing the odds, you are almost certainly going to get a yes eventually, but at what cost? I personally couldn’t put myself through that much torture.

For a guy like me (not especially attractive) the “success through numbers” approach is painful and will probably not result in finding someone compatible anyway.

On the same note, continuing to lead my life “as is” will accomplish nothing. It’s obvious that this is not working for me and that I have to make an extra effort to meet women. Not to say that I need to start coming on to every person I meet - leering and lusting after women like some desperate, over-sexed pervert – but there has to be some middle-ground somewhere.

Nothing is as sad as desperation – and people pick up on this very easily. Yes, I hate to say it, but I’m sure that I come off as being desperate. What is the difference between that, and being forward? I would have to say looks and confidence. Unattractive guys come off as being needy, while good looking guys appear forward, and confident.

I’ve decided that, instead of trying so hard to meet someone, I might just start by trying to get out more and socialize. If this theory is right, then I should be able to attract someone by just being myself, getting out, and doing my own thing. The worst that can happen is that I make a few friends; and that’s not entirely bad.

If looks count, then what's left for me?


Here’s a question I’ve asked myself time and time again: Where can I go to meet women? Online dating sites don’t seem to work for me, I can’t function in bars, I don’t have any friends that know women, and I don’t naturally attract people in public. Sure I can try approaching potential dates and making small talk, but again, since I’m not that attractive, I won’t make a good first impression.

Ok, I’m not being too hard on myself, I’m just facing facts. I can’t pretend that I’m someone I’m not and that everything will work itself out. I have to come to terms with things and accept myself before I can move on. It’s no big deal. This is the hand I was dealt, and this is all I have to work with.

Ok, so obviously, the direct approach doesn’t work for me – I can live with that. But does it mean that I have to resign myself to a life of solitude? Surely, there must be a better way to get out there and get a foot in the door. I’ve just got to find something that I’m comfortable with. Once the pressure is off, I should be fine.

I can function ok once I get to know a person. In fact, I’m convinced that the only way I will ever meet anyone, and have them interested in me, is if we meet under non-romantic circumstances first. Beauty is skin deep, as they say.

The dating sites have taught me a few valuable lessons – even though they were mostly negative. They taught me that a guy like me has got to work a little harder, and be a little more creative, when trying to meet women.

I created several profiles on many dating sites - some with my picture, and others without. I got no responses at all from the sites that had my pic. I did get a few responses from the sites that did not have my picture in the profile, but in every instance, the women I was messaging back and forth stopped communicating after I sent a photo. Hard truth, but at least I’m not fooling myself.

So the problem is that I can’t break through the physical appearance barrier. I’m finished before I even start. I need another approach – something less direct.

There has got to be a way to meet someone without the whole dating/relationship thing hanging over our heads. I need to meet women in a totally non-romantic setting – a setting where the idea of dating and hooking up would be far down the list.

I know this goes against the advice of many of the great dating gurus, but I’ve always thought that their techniques relied heavily upon one’s appearance.

No, the only way I’m ever going to meet anyone is to meet them in a non-romantic way first. I’m certain of that.

Getting out socially

Bars and pickup spots are not my thing. Even if I do eventually get to the point where I feel comfortable, I still don’t think this is the best way to meet people. While there is a lot to be said for instant chemistry, I prefer to get to know people as well. There is so much more to a person than just physical appearance. Now, I’m not saying that you couldn’t meet the girl of your dreams in a nightclub. It’s just that, in my case, the odds would be slim.

The thing with noisy clubs is that physical appearance dominates the stage. Generally, the music is so loud that people have little else to work with. It’s not like you can start up a conversation and introduce yourself – shouting in someone’s ear is not my idea of a stimulating conversation. Without the ability to converse, physical appearances are vital. Having the right look can speak volumes without having to say a word. I know - I’ve seen it happen many times. Some guys just have the right look – a way to communicate effectively without saying anything.

Now, for me, that’s a different story. I don’t have the look. Well, I do have a look, but it’s not conducive to picking up women. Even if I were thin at this point, I still don’t think I would have what it takes to “work the floor.”

So what is the alternative for a guy like me? Well, I think exposure is the key. I need to get out more and make myself visible. Not necessarily with the intent to hit on women, but to simply mingle a little more on a social level.

Yes, I think I might be trying a little too hard. It’s been suggested by a few close friends that I try too hard. They stopped short of saying that I give out desperate vibes, but I read between the lines.

Isn’t it true that sometimes, the more you try, the harder it is to attract people – that goes for friends or romantic interests.

Some guys have great success with hitting directly on women because they have looks and confidence going for them. Although they are very forward, they don’t come off as being desperate. I, however, do come off as being desperate and it causes women to back off immediately. It’s human nature, I suppose.

So, I’m going to concentrate on simply getting out more and see what happens. In a way, it’s a relief not to have the usual “must meet women” mentality. The worse that could happen is that nothing happens, but at least I’m creating the opportunity. Sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself, pissed off at the hand I’ve been dealt, is not creating opportunity.

Let’s face it: The more I get out, the greater the chance that someone could walk into my life. And no, I’m not simply waiting for fate to throw someone into my arms, but I am waiting for a chance to meet and get to know someone.


Things are improving. Well, appearance wise anyway. Since last Thursday, I have traded in my old glasses for a more stylish pair, got my first set of contacts, got a new haircut, and went shopping for some new clothes (with some help from my sister-in-law). I feel like a new man.

The new glasses are quite different. They are much smaller than the old ones and, personally, I think they make my eyes look too close together and beady. Now, the contacts will take some getting used to. I can only wear them for a few hours, then it feels like my eyes are full of grit – apparently, I’ll get used to them as my eyes adjust.

I only bought one new outfit because I’m losing weight at a fairly decent rate, and I don’t want to waste my money on clothes I’ll never wear.

Yesterday, I decided to put in the contacts and try on the new clothes. As I stood there in the mirror, no glasses, new haircut and fashionable clothes, I thought I looked pretty good - at least good enough not to have women running away, or laughing - maybe even decent enough to risk striking up a conversation. I mean, I’m still overweight, but I don’t look sloppy anymore. I look at least as good as any other average guy out there. My daily visit to the gym must be doing something. I’m sure I’m not imagining this.

Yes, I felt good. It took a little getting used to, but for once in my life, I wasn’t staring back at an overweight, textbook geek. I was actually pleased with my appearance. However, I do need to lose another 30 lbs.

Now comes the tough part – putting myself out there to see what happens. While I feel pretty good, I could also be kidding myself.

I’m apprehensive right now because I’m still overweight. I would love to be able to lose the weight first, but that would take a long time. Too long, actually - because the last thing I want to do right now is wait another 6 months until I reach my ideal weight. I’m going to have to chance it, and hope that my new image will be enough to get me through.

Primal attraction

The results from the television experiment don’t surprise me. In fact, they don’t really even bother me that much. Why? Because, I have always known that humans are attracted to other good-looking humans. It’s hard-wired into us. It’s genetic.

I know that beating myself up because I’m not one of the beautiful people of the world, is a waste of time. I’m never going to change who I am, so why not make the best of it and improve the areas that I do have control over? Wishing I was someone else will not buy me anything.

The thing that surprised me, though, was the fact that good-looking people, in general, are treated better by the rest of society, without a second thought being given. And this goes much deeper than the obvious physical attraction between a man and a woman. I mean, I could handle the fact that a woman is not attracted to me, but if I were to be passed over for a promotion, or given lousy service based on my looks (the bar in this television show) – well that, I have a problem with.

Yet, I’m sure it goes on all around us – mostly low-key, yet still a reality. Hey, people may not even be aware of the fact that they are giving preferential treatment to someone based on some genetic, primal attraction – and, of course, giving lousy service to the poor shlubs of the world (me).

Oh well; as long as it’s not intentional – we know it’s hard to fight those primal urges.

A social experiment – analysis


The television crew and the actors did a full evaluation of the social experiments they conducted. I believe there were 4 different scenes that they performed. In each case, the conclusion was that the better looking a person is, the nicer they are treated. They seemed to all agree that good-looking people could get away with more and always end up smelling like roses. People just seemed to want to be around these individuals.

Also, it wasn’t a matter of guy verses girl. As a matter of fact, they concluded that gender only made a slight difference in how people treated others. For example: A good looking guy was treated favorably by both males and females – and vice-versa.

The actors were interviewed a day later and it was quite interesting to hear what they had to say. The Brad Pitt look-alike was very interesting to listen to. He said that he was miserable during his short duration as an unattractive nobody. He was shocked at how cruel and unfeeling people could be. He then admitted that he took his appearance for granted and that he could not imagine never being able to switch back to one of the beautiful people.

Yeah, I felt so bad for him, having to endure that for an hour!

I often wonder what it would be like to have good looks and a winning personality. Well, in all honesty, I don’t think I have a bad personality; it’s just that I can’t get people to look past my appearance – sigh…

In any case, this experiment certainly spoke volumes about human behavior and how people are categorized by others. I always knew I was discriminated against because of my looks, but to see it in black-and-white like that really opened my eyes.

For someone in my circumstance, the situation is bleak. Sure I can lose weight, and make cosmetic changes, but the fact remains that I am still not one of the beautiful people of the world. I will never experience that preferential treatment.

But then again, that’s like saying that I’ll be depressed for the rest of my life because I’ll never be as rich as Bill Gates. That is not reasonable, and it’s ridiculous to get upset over it.

The only comfort I have is in the knowledge that the majority of humans are not gorgeous. Most of us “normal” folk are just average, and it’s the hand that was dealt to us. In my case, I have the opportunity to lose weight and fix up my physical appearance somewhat, but there is a limit to how much that will buy me.

So, I can continue feeling sorry for myself because I was not born beautiful, or I can accept things as they are and get on with life.

Do looks matter? A social experiment - Part 2

Another segment of this documentary that really got me thinking was the scene at the bar.

They used two actors for this. The first was a Brad Pitt look-alike, and the other could have been mistaken for Jessica Simpson. In other words, he was a pretty boy, and she was flat-out gorgeous. They were both fitted with tiny cameras in the buttons of their clothing.

In the first scene, both people entered the lounge separately (about five minutes apart). Both actors made small talk with the doorman as they entered, and it was like they had known each other all their lives. He was equally friendly towards both people. They even shared a few laughs.

For the test, they had both actors sit at opposite ends of the room as they ordered drinks.


The servers were both good-looking young women, and the bartender was a twenty-something jock. Other than that, there were only a few customers in the place.


The male actor relaxed in his chair, looked confidently (bordering on cocky) around the bar and made eye contact with one of the waitresses. She came over and he started flirting with her right away. She was all smiles and giggles, and I’m sure he could have got her number at the drop of a hat.

The female actor was treated almost as well by the other waitresses – it was like they were sisters - just one big happy family.

In fact, both actors got exemplary service.

After about an hour, the male actor got up and approached the bartender. They engaged in a little small talk and a laugh, and then he asked the barkeep to bring a drink over to the young lady (actor #2). He smiled and gave him a wink. He brought it over; she smiled and raised her glass to actor #1. 10 minutes later, she went over to his table amidst smiles from the bar staff. And they lived happily ever after…

Now, a week later, the television crew prepared for the same routine, except that this time they made up the male to look a little less attractive. They gave him some body padding to simulate excess weight, added some latex to his face and scalp area to create a chubby face and receding hairline, gave him an overbite, and dressed him in the most awful outfit I’ve ever seen.

The female actor was different this time, because they didn’t want to skew the test results (the staff may have thought she went off with that handsome guy a few days ago). This woman might have been even better-looking than the previous, if that were at all possible.

They followed the same script as the last time. She entered first and then he entered about 5 minutes after.

She was greeted in a very predictable manner. From the flirtatious doorman to the smiling bartender, she was treated like a queen.

Now, this is where things started to go bad. As the guy walked up the steps, he was greeted by the doorman. Instead of a cheerful smile, the doorman looked him over and, with a gruff voice, said, “Hello sir,” as he held the door open for the actor. Keep in mind that he was only doing his job and nothing else. If there were a requirement to greet customers with a friendly smile, this guy would have failed miserably.

Upon entering the bar, the actor looked around and was greeted with curious looks from the staff. He sat down in the same chair and waited for someone to come over and take his order. He waited…and waited.

After a few minutes, a waitress came over, looked him up and down, and said, “What can I get you?” No smile. No flirting. No small talk. He gave her his order, she nodded and left without saying a word.

Throughout the meal, the guy was being ignored, while actor #2 enjoyed some nice friendly hospitality.

The icing on the cake came when actor #1 went to the bar and tried to strike up a conversation with the bartender. The barkeep was civil enough, but kept the conversation very professional.

When the guy asked him to bring the lady over a drink, he smiled (on the verge of laughing) and said, “I think you got your signals crossed, buddy. I don’t think that’s a good idea. He turned his back and walked away.

Actor #1 then went over to actor #2 and started talking to her. The doorman was there in 2 seconds and asked if the gentleman was bothering her.

Not wanting to upset everyone, she said no, and actor #1 went back to his table.

The waitress came over to actor#2 and started talking about how much nerve some people have. It was almost like she assumed the women would never go for a guy like that, and “how dare he approach a beautiful woman so much out of his league.”

Actor #1 had no further communication with anyone. His server asked if there was anything else then handed him the bill.

He left a few minutes later amidst stern looks from the bar staff.

Do looks matter? A social experiment - Part 1


A few years ago, I was watching a documentary about a social experiment that featured several actors placing themselves in real public situations. First, as themselves (they were all good-looking and fit), and later with modifications made to their looks. These modifications included makeup to make them look less attractive. In some instances makeup combined with body padding was used to accomplish this.

I believe it was on a public television channel. Now, it’s been a few years, and some of the details may be sketchy, but there were two experiments that I still remember because they struck a chord with me.

The first one involved a gorgeous, fit woman trying to return an item to a retail store. The item was badly damaged and was almost certainly dropped. She was to ask for a refund from the returns desk. To make it interesting, she waited for a male counter-person to help her.

As she approached the counter in the first store, she was greeted by a middle aged guy with a big dorky grin on his face. She smiled and showed him the object. After a few minutes of flirting, she was handed her refund with smile. He told her that the pleasure was his and to have a nice day (the grin didn’t leave his face the whole time).

She then repeated the process at two other stores and got another “cheery” refund and one refusal. By the way, the refusal was from a female clerk.

Now, the same woman was made-up to look very unattractive. They fitted her with foam body panels that gave the impression that she was very overweight, added a mole and some wrinkles to her face, a latex nose and a wig. Her clothes were ill-fitting and out of style. There was no way that you could tell this was the same person.

The next day, they sent her to the same store to return an item that was legitimately defective (not just dropped). She waited for the same clerk and then approached the counter. He greeted her with a very bored, business like stare. He could not tell that this was the gorgeous female he had been talking to yesterday. She looked 20 years older and 60 lbs heavier. His comments were straight to the point and on the verge of being rude.

Even though the item was obviously defective, he proceeded to grill her with questions. She was eventually given a refund (he had no choice really) and instead of telling her to have a nice day, he simply walked away.

Even though she was an actor, you could see the look of disappointment at having been “rejected” by this individual as she exited the store.

They repeated the same test at the other two stores, and she was given the same treatment – except that the female clerk treated her in the same disinterested manner that she had before. In all three cases, she was given a refund simply because it was legitimate.

The next example was of a guy in a bar. I could definitely relate to this one. I’ll talk about that in my next post.

Finally, some progress


The challenge is going slow. As I mentioned before, there is not much I can do to try and meet women (the nightclub episode is a prime example) until I take care of a few things. One is my weight, and the other is my finances. Fortunately, I have great news in both departments.

I have lost almost 10 lbs and at least one belt size. I feel pretty good because I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can physically feel a difference. And the reason that is so great is that I no longer have to rely on faith to fuel my determination. I am actually experiencing real-life results, and that is an awesome feeling. It’s given me a tremendous boost and I’m even more determined than ever to toughen up this soft, flabby exterior.

I’ve also started working part-time for an internet firm in Vancouver. I know what you’re thinking: I’m in Ontario. However, the job is all internet based. I am doing some programming work for them on a contract basis. It’s not full time, but it’s going to generate enough money until I can get a real job here. I’ve been blasting my resume to every company I can think of in the meantime.

Next on my hit list will be a visit to the optometrist to get rid of these awful “geek” glasses. Now, I don’t think wearing glasses is necessarily a bad thing, but they should at least be in style. I’ve been neglecting my looks for so long; it didn’t even occur to me how bad some things have gotten.

I’m thinking I will probably opt for contacts unless I see some glasses that really suit me. I’m sure they’ll do a double take over there when they see how out of date my glasses are.

The bar scene is not my scene


Going to that club on Saturday night was a mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’d been out to places like that with my brother in the past and pretty much had the same experience. So, what made me think that things would be any different this time around?

There are so many things working against a guy like me in a place like that. Where would I begin? I suppose if I were to sum it all up, I would have to say that I’m not the typical night-club patron. I don’t fit the profile.

Nightclubs are just one big competition, where looks count for everything, period. There is absolutely no way that a below average looking guy stands a chance. That’s pretty unfair, because there is a lot more to a person than looks. Some of us have wonderful personalities that are never discovered and shared by others because we cannot get our foot in the door.

Who says looks aren’t important?

While at the club, I spent a lot of time standing around, observing things. I got so good that I could tell what kind of reception a guy would get based on his looks and her looks. Amazingly, I was almost always dead on. Let’s face it, you have 2 seconds to make your impression, and quite often it’s based on your looks only. You don’t even have to say a word to be accepted or rejected.

The floor of a nightclub is just one big open market. It is a non-stop parade of people strutting their stuff in front of others, trying to get the attention of the best looking guy/girl in their looks category. Oh, and don’t ever think about making a move for someone outside of your category unless you thrive on humiliation.

The club is generally dominated by the best looking people in the crowd. They get all the attention (without even trying) and have their choice of partners. The fact that they won the genetic lottery by being born “good-looking” is envious. It’s not like they even had to work for it. And yes, I am jealous. I wish it was me - lucky bastards.

Sorry, this attitude is not helping.

My biggest complaint, though, is the volume level of the music in these places. I consider myself a pretty good conversationalist, and I’ve been told that I am interesting to listen to. I often wonder if things would be different without the music. If I had a chance to speak to people, would things be any different?

Who am I kidding? The expectations of many women in these clubs are out of this world and looks would still be the deciding factor.

Ok, now for the good news: Most of us don’t meet in clubs, and I am so thankful for that. If, in order to get a date, I had no choice but to compete in a nightclub with all the pretty boys of the world, I surely would be in trouble. I’d have to resign myself to the fact that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. Sad, but true.

Too much, too soon. A hard lesson learned


Last night, I went out with two people from my previous workplace. I would consider them friends, even though we don’t get together very often. John and Albert are 28 and 30. They are both single and, I suppose one could say, very experienced at picking up women. We got to know each other after a weekend team-building workshop a few years back.

They are both aware of my difficulties with women, although we have never really sat down and talked about it (I guess that after a while these things are just obvious).
The thing is that they probably know it’s a sensitive topic for me and they don’t want to make me feel any worse than I already do.

We got to the club around 10pm and things were pretty busy. There was a lineup outside, however this was not one of those places where the bouncers only let in a certain “type.” There was a lineup because there were just too many people inside.

While waiting, I became very self-conscious as I looked around and noticed how much better everyone looked than me. It seemed that they all looked so much more attractive than I did - Everything from their clothes, to their hair, to their physique. Now, I don’t normally go around looking at guys, however, since the challenge started, I have been noticing others and comparing myself.

Once inside, the music was so loud that there was no way to have a conversation without yelling into someone’s ear. Right away, I was at a disadvantage because after conversation skills, I really have nothing that would interest a woman.

Damn, I wished that I could have done this in a few months - after the results of my exercise and diet started showing. I felt like a fish out of water. I didn’t belong there, and I’m sure many people thought the same. I decided to order a drink at the bar and kinda stand around, looking like I was enjoying myself.

Women were actually looking at me, but they were more curious, puzzled looks than anything - certainly not friendly or flirtatious. I went to the washroom to gain my composure.

Standing in front of the mirror, I looked like hell. My stomach threatened to burst the buttons of my short-sleeve dress shirt, my armpit sweat stains were highly visible, and my ill-fitting polyester pants were straining to hold everything in. What a joke! I couldn’t believe I was actually there.

Having lost my two friends hours ago (they could chat up any woman in the place, even with the music as loud as it was), I was ready to get the hell out of there. I didn’t dare approach any woman because I knew what the result would be – and this wasn’t a “lack of self-esteem” issue – this was a fact. I didn’t belong there – it was too soon – I wasn’t ready. I needed to regain my composure.

I left my beer on the counter and headed out the front door, walking towards the nearest bus-stop.

Diet and exercise :(

Diets suck (badly). I love to eat. There’s no denying that. It’s one of the few pleasures I have in life, yet it’s solely responsible for the way I look today. I feel torn between instant pleasure now (food), and greater pleasure down the road (dating, girlfriend).

Food makes me happy and I’m torturing myself with this diet. All this for an end result that may, or may not, come. Yes, it’s possible that, even after all this, I’ll still be as undesirable as I am now (albeit a lot lighter).

But as tempting as it is to fall off the wagon, it is even more tempting to take a chance on what might be a happier life down the road. Without losing this extra weight, I’ll end up doing the same thing years from now, and being just as lonely. It’s not really a matter of having a choice – either I want a better lifestyle, or I don’t. If I do, then I’d better be prepared to put in the time and effort it’s going to take to succeed.

It’s just mind over matter and nothing more. I have a food addiction that I need to kick, and it’s as simple as that.

The other variable that I’ve been toying with is exercise. If I increase my exercise frequency and intensity, then I should be able to eat more. So I’m left to choose between not eating, and exercise. I think I might try to up the intensity of my exercise program.

Besides, I need to get rid of the “soft” look I’ve got going, and I’m not sure that diet on it’s own will accomplish that.

I’ve been dieting and exercising (weights and cycling) for a few weeks now, but I haven’t seen a huge difference - however, I do feel stronger and lighter on my feet. Maybe that’s the start of something great.

It’s too early to tell, but I’ll hang in there because there is nothing for me if I go back to the way things were.

The dough-boy look


Losing weight is about the only constructive thing I can do right now. Well, the only thing that won’t cost money. I’ve been down to the library and it’s amazing how many diet books are out there. I’m going to follow one from a book written by a nutritionist that caught my eye. It seems sensible in that it promotes good food, but still has a variety of things to eat. In other words, it doesn’t eliminate fun foods, but has a little less of them.

Basically, it promotes a combination of good food, less quantity, and exercise - all the things I don’t like. But hey - I never said this was going to be easy. Besides, it’s a necessity. There is no way I’m going to ease my way into the dating world looking like this. I’m going to shoot for 30 lbs and see how things go. My book suggests that a healthy weight loss would be around 2-4 lbs a week - sounds doable.

I won’t bore you with the details of the diet, but I’m hoping that between eating less and exercising, I’ll make a dent in this dough-boy look I’ve got going on here.

The exercise part is pretty basic stuff. Things like walking, biking, and light weights. I’ll have to start walking before I try anything else because this body needs an adjustment period. To say that I’m out of shape is an understatement.

And that brings me to my next point. Have you ever noticed that soft, flabby, out-of-shape guys never get women? It’s one of the most noticeable things I witnessed in my two day social experiment. While watching people and couples, I noticed that even overweight guys with a manlier, muscular look got good looking women. What’s the difference between them and me - masculinity maybe?

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but somehow I feel less masculine than most guys. Even though I’m not a small, weak person, I’m horribly out of shape from years in front of the computer. Let’s just say that there is a difference between a 220 lb guy with a bit of muscle and a rugged look, and a 220lb guy that is soft, pudgy, and kinda pear-shaped. Who do you think will have a better chance at attracting women?

That is my motivation. I don’t want to be the guy that women feel repulsed by. I know there is someone worthwhile under all this – it’s just going to take some work to bring it out.

Money isn't everything, but it helps


Getting a job has got to be one of the first things I do. Without money, I can’t make a move. I know I need to work on my appearance, but there is only so much I can do without the means to buy clothes and get new glasses or contacts, etc… Also, without money, it’s impossible for me to get out and socialize, or even ask anyone out.

Do I really need money? Is there any way that I might be able to pull this off without an income? Highly unlikely – I already have so many things working against me; I don’t have the luxury of not needing money.

Besides, I feel like I’m wasting my life and not progressing like others my own age. Some old school chums have gone on to become lawyers, accountants, and executives. I am ashamed of what I’ve done with my life so far, and it’s definitely not doing my self- esteem any favors.

Actually, I don’t know how I deteriorated to this point. Perhaps I’m suffering from depression and don’t realize it – or don’t want to acknowledge it.

But, it’s not like I have never had a job. In fact, I’ve got several years experience in computer systems. So I’m hoping that any potential employers will overlook the huge gap in my work history and hire me for my experience.

It’s funny how quickly society will condemn an unemployed person. I’m sure that my entire family thinks there is something really wrong with me. Also, I couldn’t imagine meeting a woman and asking her out, only to have her ditch me once she finds out I’m unemployed and live with my parents.

I need a job - badly.

Dating - perfectly matched couples



Being an unemployed bum can have its advantages. For instance, I spent the entire day just watching people – couples, in particular. I didn’t go so far as to take a notepad (how much of a geek do you think I am? Don’t answer that), but, nevertheless, I still managed to take in a lot of info.

It’s surprising how much goes on around us that we don’t notice – unless we are specifically looking for it.

Among my observations, I noticed that most people seem well suited for each other. It’s as if everyone knows what “level” they’re at socially, and choose a partner from that group. It’s hard to explain, but after a while, I noticed that I could fully understand why certain people are together. I did not see any mismatched couples at all. It’s like we all know our place.

Take the example of a beautiful woman walking with her boyfriend. I could see why she was with him. He was just the “type” that would have a woman like this. She would never be seen walking around on the arm of someone like me – it’s like some unwritten rule – it simply would not happen.

Another guy I observed waiting for his wife at the exit to the mall seemed ok looking, but very plain. I made a bet with myself as to what his wife would look like. Well, she wasn’t exactly what I expected, but still very much within this guy’s range – I was spot on.

And it wasn’t just one thing about these people either - It was their entire makeup. Of course there were the facial looks and body physique, but it was also a thousand other things – things that make each of us unique. It made me realize that there is a lot going on here – more than we can imagine.

It’s a combination of everything that determines our desirability and places us in one class or the other. Our persona is the sum of every single one of these characteristics. Some of us are lucky enough to end up in the desirable range, and some are not.

Keep in mind; I’m speaking in generalizations here. There are many women that I find attractive that don’t fit society’s typical mold for desirability.

Suddenly, I realized it’s quite possible that people are constantly classifying others, whether they are aware of it or not. I also realized that we humans seem to have a gift for picking up on someone’s true self in very short order.

This was not looking good for me.

People watching

I thought that a good way to begin my self-improvement endeavor would be to watch supposedly “successful” people operate. Who knows, maybe I can pick up a thing or two. At the very least, I should be able to get an idea of the best way to present myself.

The dating site experiment has served its purpose. At least I know where I am starting from. I suppose I knew all along that I would be starting in the basement, but there’s nothing like actually seeing it in real life.

I do have a list of things that I know I need to improve on, but I want to try this social experiment first. It’s funny how much goes on around us, and we don’t even notice. Observing others in public is no big deal. It’s something that is happening all the time – except now I plan to pay more attention.

So, starting today, I’m going to get out there and really observe what seems to work. I’ll start out with just a walk in the park, a visit to the mall, or a walk down Main Street. Later, I want to check out a local nightclub with a friend of mine.

Laying the ground-work

Well, even though I haven’t been posting much in the last week or so, I have been busy laying more of the ground-work for the challenge. I think the hardest part was finding a starting point. Where do I improve – and what will give me the biggest bang for my buck?

Now, self-improvement can be a life-long journey. I would venture to say that I could spend the rest of my life in the quest for perfection. However, the reality is that I am limited by what God gave me, and by the amount of time available. In other words, I don’t want to turn this into an obsession. Besides, who among us is perfect anyway? It’s our faults and imperfections that make us unique human beings.

Now, having said all that, I really do have a lot of work to do in order to make myself presentable. Keep in mind here, I’m not out to compete with all the studs of the world in trying to land the best looking woman in town, because I know my limitations. I know that self-improvement will only go so far.

However, because I’m starting from nothing, there is a lot of room for improvement – a lot of easy, simple things that will go a long way.

Among these are:

• Dieting/Exercising

• Changing my wardrobe

• Getting a job

• Cosmetic (glasses, new haircut)

Did I mention a personality change? Well, that’s going to be the tough one.

More dating site results

The results are finally in from the dating sites. If you don’t count the scammers (they are relentless), I got two genuine responses. That isn’t bad, really - considering the fact that most people will ignore you if you don’t fit their ideal profile.

The first response was from a 30 year-old “attached” woman that was just looking for friends. Wtf is that all about? Why would you be on a dating site “just looking for friends?” There are sites out there that specifically cater to people looking for friends.

The other response was from a very attractive 26 year old woman. She was kind enough, but told me in no uncertain terms that I was not her type and she wished me luck in my endeavors.

I also got the results back from the ratings sites. Let’s just say that I was in the bottom 20 percent. I could handle that, but are the cruel comments really necessary? It should bother me, but I’m used to it. I really wasn’t expecting anything more. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t being too hard on myself. The truth hurts, but it’s also an invaluable tool in establishing a realistic starting point.

The bottom line is that I got what I was after. The results are in and it’s not great. The positive thing is that there is only one way to go once you’ve hit rock-bottom, and that’s up.

I don’t anticipate any more responses – but you never know…

What creates desire?


Writing this blog reminded me of something I heard years ago - the advice came from a friend of my brother. This guy was, and always had been, a ladies man. He seemed to have an unlimited amount of charm and an endless number of prospects.

After finishing off a bottle of single-malt scotch one night, we started talking about our theories on women. His experience was that the secret to attracting women and creating desire is to have something that they want. After all, if they don’t want it, nothing in this world is ever going to change that.

At the time, I dismissed it as drunken rambling, but looking back now, I should have taken the time to understand what he was really saying. Yes, he may have been drunk, but he still got 10 times the amount of women the rest of us did. I should have listened, because he, in fact, was walking the walk and talking the talk.

Looking back, I think I can now appreciate what it was he meant. He was saying that there has to be something about the other person that creates an attraction - there must be something they want (Duh…). Ok, yes that’s fairly obvious, but isn’t it funny how many of us miss that critical bit of the puzzle?

In all honesty, you could be the nicest guy in the world, but unless you have something that she desires, there is no hope of ever creating any attraction.

What creates desire? Isn’t that the million dollar question? If I knew that, then I would be further ahead than most guys out there.

Taking a few steps back


So, I spent the weekend thinking about the best way to approach my problem and the challenge. I brainstormed a whole whack of ideas and strategies, but as it turned out, I was too busy looking for the quick and easy solution, while the obvious starting point was staring me in the face. It was me – I needed to start working on my own self-improvement.

Most methods, strategies, tips, tricks, are superficial anyway. Maybe some of it works, I don’t know. But even so, having the best technique doesn’t mean a thing to someone that is unable to use it properly. The smoothest pickup lines in the world won’t do me a bit of good because I’m still me.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my problems run deeper than simply not being able to hook up with women. I think I need to address a much larger issue – one that centers on my own self-esteem, confidence and personality issues.

The truth is that dating is really only a very small part of a larger picture. The reality is that I seem to put off people in general. That would account for having only one good friend. This is, indeed, a sad realization to arrive at.

Ok, well if that’s what it’s going to take to get started, let’s just forget about women and dating for a moment and take a few steps back.

Meeting women - a numbers game?

A good friend of mine once suggested that the problem was not with me, but with the women I approached. Well, that and my low attempt rate. He suggested using the “success through numbers” theory where I would literally try to start a conversation with every woman I saw. He reasoned that the law of averages would be on my side, if nothing else.

Well, all I can say is that, in my case, playing the odds didn’t make much difference – I just got rejected more often. Needless to say, my self-esteem couldn’t take that for very long.

Things haven’t changed much since then. I still get rejected by almost every woman I attempt to talk to. Some are polite about it, and some a little more abrupt, but in the end it amounts to the same thing – rejection.

I think my problems go a little deeper than that. Throwing myself at women I meet is not the answer. I think I need to concentrate on the quality of my attempts and not quantity.

While some guys do have success with sheer numbers, I’ll bet they have more going for them than I do.

An offer I "can" refuse

Well, I’ve decided that I’m not going to get caught up in the negative feedback I’m getting from the dating sites. By the way, I received a great offer on one of those sites. It seems that there is this heiress overseas that is trying to make it to the US so she can gain access to a lost family fortune. All I have to do is front her the money to get over here, and she will split the proceeds with me. Oh, and she will also become my faithful life-long companion, if I so choose. How can I go wrong?

Sorry baby, I’m broke.

On a more serious note, I’m going through all my options and trying to figure out the best way to start this challenge. I’m already a week into it and I feel like I’ve done nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true, I did do a little homework with the dating sites, so I at least know where I’m starting.

And where am I starting? Rock bottom, that’s where.

The results are in (some, anyway)

As promised, here are the results of the dating sites and rating sites I posted my profile to a few days ago. The bottom line is not great. I keep reminding myself that it’s only been a few days, so things might improve.

I posted my profile on 12 different dating sites (fortunately, there are a lot out there). These are free sites that provide members with full access. I posted my photo with each submission, along with a fairly detailed and well-written bio. I did not lie or exaggerate on any profiles (although the urge was there). I needed to have genuine information in my details because I need honest feedback.

As far as the rating sites go, 8 of the dating sites had a rating system. Additionally, I submitted my pic to three “rating only” sites.

I also contacted three women – all had pictures, and all very different from one another.

The first was very good-looking with a well-written bio. The second was extremely good-looking (way, way out of my league) and had a poor description and bio (lots of spelling mistakes and each paragraph started with, “and like…”). The third was not very attractive, but had a great bio and seemed very intelligent.

I sent the same message to each. It was along the lines of: “Hi, I’m Dan. Your profile caught my eye…”

Here are the results so far:

I got zero inquires from people that wanted to know more about me. I heard back from one woman I sent a message to. It was the beautiful one with the badly written bio. Three words: “you’re kidding, right?” Then she proceeded to block me.


Lastly, I received a few ratings from the “hot-or-not” sites. All three sites rated me very low (although one only had a single respondent). There were also a few comments. One guy said, “Dude, are you kidding?” I assume it was a guy anyway. The other comment sounded like it was from some schoolgirl and it said, “ewww.” The last comment was simply a laughing happy face (that was actually from a dating site with a rating system).

Anyway, I feel like sh*t, so enough for today.

It's worse than I thought

While I’m waiting for the results to come back from the dating sites, I thought I would give a little more thought as to other preliminary work that needs to be done. I made a list of my obvious shortcomings and ways that I could improve things. Here they are in no particular order:

Problem 1-
My physical appearance is horrendous. I mean, I’m literally a train-wreck. I’m at least 50 lbs overweight, I’m badly out of shape, my glasses are circa 1990 (just as the large diameter lenses where being phased out), I’ve had the same haircut for 20 years, I have a perspiration/odor problem due to my weight, and I’m almost completely bald.

Problem 2-
I have low self-esteem and zero confidence.

Problem 3-
I have no communication skills whatsoever. I can’t handle even the simplest conversation, let alone perform well on a date. I can talk about computers and high-tech topics all day, but when it comes to everyday conversation, I’m lost. I’m only capable of boring people to death with one of my techy monologs. I always come off as being a know-it-all, even though I try not to be. I suppose I’m trying to make up for the fact that I’m a loser in every other area of my life. This generally turns people off.

Problem 4-
I have no social graces, I don’t know how to conduct myself properly in most social settings, I have no table manners (actually no manners period), and I lack the skills required to function on a date (i.e. knowledge of food, wine, proper restaurant etiquette). I’m also lacking in other social abilities such as dancing skills (I can’t, nor will I try to dance) etc…

Problem 5-
I’m flat broke, unemployed, and live with my mother.

Problem 6-
I have no friends. Well, maybe one, but no friends that would enable me to get out and meet new people. My one friend is in the same situation that I am.

Wow, there’s too much to talk about in one post so I’ll likely take one problem per day and talk about solutions in upcoming entries.

A real evaluation

Having a plan is a good thing. When I started this blog, I didn’t have one. Sure, I knew basically what I wanted to do, but no thought had really gone into how I would implement the challenge.

So, I spent the last few days thinking about things. I thought of different ways to “get out there” and make things happen. I also gave a lot of consideration to my abilities and how thick-skinned I need to be to accomplish a lot of it.

I figured that the first thing I would do is take inventory. I assume that I have nothing of any value as far as personality and looks, but I need to hear it from others. Who knows, maybe I’m being too hard on myself.

Why would I intentionally humiliate myself like that? Well, the truth hurts, but as painful as it may be, it’s necessary. I need to know exactly what I have to work with and where I’ll be starting from.

Asking family and friends for their opinion is one option, but I don’t think I’ll get the honesty I need here. No, what I really need is the stark truth from as many people as possible - the more, the better. That’s why I’ve started by posting my picture and profile on several dating sites that have a rating system. I also posted my pic on the “Hot or Not” website.

That was yesterday – I’ll give it a few more days before I look at the results. To add insult to injury, I also wrote to a few good-looking women on these dating sites. Nothing major, just a friendly “Hi – how are you? My name is Dan…”

I feel it’s important to include a photo because I need a full evaluation and that can only be achieved by providing as much information as possible.

I really dread the responses. I can tell you now that it’s going to be bad. Just how bad, we’ll have to wait and see.

Nothing to lose

If you’re wondering why I intend to go through with this and what ultimately led me to this course of action, then read along…

Basically, I’m at the end of my rope, so to speak. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I can see nothing changing in the next 20+ years. What I have been doing up until now is not working, so there is no reason to believe that anything will change unless I deliberately change it.

By the way, my love-life is not the only area that is hurting right now, but it is one that is constantly on my mind. I actually think I could live with very little else, as long as I had someone to share it with.

I’m at the point now where I have nothing to lose. There is no way I could sink any lower. I’m not saying this because I feel sorry for myself, or want sympathy from people; I am simply stating a fact.

It’s amazing what is possible when a person is pushed to the limit – when all hope is lost and there is nothing to lose. When you can say, “I don’t give a f**k” (and really mean it), endless possibilities open up because you have nothing to protect anymore.

That’s where I am right now. My resolve and determination are only over-shadowed by my willingness to publicly humiliate myself. Because that’s what it’s going to take – a willingness to do whatever it takes to reach my goal.

Do I want to humiliate myself? No, of coarse not, however, I will, if that’s what it takes.

So, that’s about it in a nutshell -nothing extraordinary, just a guy that has had enough. A guy that’s tired of being a nobody, excluded, and lonely - Someone that is tired of taking a back-seat and forced to live in the background of society while everyone else carries on with their wonderful lives.

Ok, ok, maybe that’s a little too dramatic, but you get the point.

About Me

Hi, my name’s Dan. I originally started this blog around the summer of 06 as a way to log my daily progress as I worked towards the goal of getting a girlfriend by Sept 07 (about 1 year). The goal was to get a fulltime girlfriend within one year. Man, talk about lame.

Looking back now, I realize how naïve I was about how the real world worked when it came to women and dating. Yet, that was me: Mr. naïve. I was 32 years old, a virgin, I had no job, I lived with my parents, and I had no prospects in terms of my career or my love life. Some might have branded me a loser (heh).

The good news is that I’m no longer that person. I’ve made some major improvements in my life and I now date different women on a regular basis. I always thought that what I was missing was a fulltime girlfriend – I couldn’t have been more wrong.

It’s now 2008 and I’m doing more with my life than I could have imagined – especially in the dating area. I don’t claim to have all the answers to attracting and dating women, but I have learned a few techniques that work wonders (well, more than a few) – and I am dedicating this blog to talking about them.

I suppose what I’m really saying is that if I can do it, anyone can do it. I truly mean that. Look, I was a pathetic loser in every sense of the word. Women cringed when I came near. They all looked at me like I had some kind of disease and treated me like something stuck to their shoe. I’m not proud of who I was back then, but I’m thankful I got up off my ass and did something about it.

Anyway, here is the unedited version of “About Me” written in 2006 – just as I started this blog. You might find it amusing – I know I do!

From 2006

The purpose of this blog is to document my day-to-day activities as I strive for an almost impossible goal: Getting a girlfriend within the period of one year.

You may ask what the big deal is, but if you read on, I’ll try to explain.

My name is Dan, and as incredibly strange as that sounds, I’ve decided to start a blog that will document the progress of someone who has almost never dated, still a virgin, and definitely does not attract women. In fact, I repel women.

I can count the number of dates I've had in my life on one hand. And they haven't been good dates either - total disasters, in fact.

I don’t date because:

1. I don’t attract women.
2. I have zero confidence and low self-esteem
3. I get extremely nervous in the presence of women I’m attracted to.
4. I’m overweight at 5’9 and 220 lbs.
5. I’m not good-looking.
6. I live with my parents
7. I’m unemployed
8. I have few friends
9. I’m not motivated to try

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m 32 years old. So I suppose you could say that I’m a little behind the eight-ball in the dating department.

Ok, having said all that, I still believe there is hope for me – otherwise I wouldn’t be doing this.

On the positive side, there is only one way to go from here, and that’s up. The way things are at the moment, there is no way that I could be in worse shape. I’m starting with nothing and I’m hoping that by September 2007, I’ll have had a few dates and hopefully a permanent girlfriend.