Average Looking Guys do Have a Chance

I have to admit, I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world. Although, I have been doing quite a bit to improve my image over the past two or three years, I am still faced with the harsh reality of simply being average looking. For a while, I convinced myself that looks really don't matter, but who was I kidding - honestly?

While it's certainly in your best interest to maintain a positive outlook and project confidence and self-assuredness when talking to women, it's also a good idea to be aware of the fact that they do place a value on looks alone. Yes, it's a cold harsh reality.

Now, you can take this in one of two ways. You can continue to torture yourself for the rest of your life always feeling like a victim because you don't measure up in the looks department, or you can accept yourself for who you are and work on things you can change.

Personally, I did everything I could to improve my looks including losing weight, getting contacts, and improving my wardrobe. I got to the point where it really wasn't possible to do much more.

After that, I concentrated on the things I could change instead of obsessing and beating myself up for not being good looking enough or not measuring up to the best looking guy in a crowd.

One really bad habit I got out of was my tendency to compare myself to the best looking guys in a crowd. That was just self-torture and would always create a negative state of mind. Of course there's always going to be someone better looking than you in a crowd. If you continue to compare yourself to these people, you're going to end up feeling bad - end of story.

Now here's the good news: I've discovered that it is possible to improve your personality to the point where you actually overshadow those guys you can't compare to in looks.

I've also discovered that many guys that have been gifted with rugged good looks are, in fact, lacking in personality and substance. Even though they may be able to initially attract the best looking women, I believe someone with average looks can outdo them in the long run.

So I guess what I'm saying is that once you've learned to accept yourself for who you are, you can start working on things that you can change. This is a much better use of your efforts than simply beating yourself up because you don't measure up to the top 2% of the population.

A Training Course - More Than I Bargained For

A few months ago, I was asked to attend a training session for one of my biggest customers. I do contract work for them. The training was one week long and fully paid by the corporation.

My field is programming and if you know anything about software guys it's that many don't have the most outgoing personalities. I apologize to anyone I’m offending by saying this, I’m just going by my own experience.

Suffice it to say, I'm not that confident, I'm shy, and most times I'm unsure of myself. This has been my basic personality for the past 30 odd years, so I don't anticipate changing that much.

Anyway, when I get to the training session, I realize that it's also very sales oriented and, hence, there are a lot of salespeople in attendance - male and female. They were all your typical sales types - good-looking, cocky, and very outgoing.

One of the first things I noticed was how gorgeous most of the female sales reps were. Now, I'm not naïve enough to think that I'm even in the same league, but they certainly were nice to look at.

Once training got underway, I noticed something very peculiar. It seemed that the male sales reps picked up on my personality in two seconds flat and used it as some sort of pawn in their attempt to impress the female reps. Yes, I was the butt of a few jokes and a couple putdowns.

Strangely enough, although they were in competition with each other for the attention of the beautiful women, I felt no competition at all between myself and them. I suppose in their mind they didn't even consider me a contender.

It was at that very moment that I realized there's not a whole lot of difference between the human race and the animal kingdom. Here you have a group of Alpha males jockeying for position while average males stand by and watch. It was a little humiliating, but also an interesting experience.

What I took away from all this was that people are certainly in different classes and each person has his/her place in the grand scheme of things. These beautiful female sales reps were nice enough to me on the surface, but deep down they knew, and I knew, that there wasn't a hope in hell that I'd have a chance to be with them romantically.

Isn't it funny how we are still governed by nature in our ultra-civilized world?

Women Love to Dance

If you're like most guys, dancing probably doesn't come naturally to you. Furthermore, it's probably not something that you're too anxious to learn. Let me re-word that: if you're unsuccessful with women, there's a good chance that you can't dance and you're not interested in learning.

Of course, that's a pretty general assumption and I apologize to anyone that's offended by reading that. As usual, I'm speaking from my own experiences and my many male friends that have the same problem with women that I have (or did).

From the time I first started becoming interested in women, I noticed a peculiar thing – but really didn't give it much thought until later on in life. I noticed that most women love to dance. This was apparent from my first junior high dance experience. Of course, at that age, who really knew what to do, how to do it, and what women (girls) actually liked. One thing I did notice, even at that early age, was that most of the girls seem to enjoy dancing. In fact, our high school dances consisted mainly of girls dancing with each other (or the occasional guy), and the majority of the other guys sitting around or propping up a wall.

There was an invaluable life lesson to be learned there, but I was too immature to really notice it. Looking back now, it seemed that there was only a handful of guys in our entire school that could dance properly. Coincidently, they always seem to be surrounded by women and lived life as though it were a beer commercial.

Convinced that this was simply an adolescent phase, I quickly learned that dancing was an important part of the entire dating scene even into my 20's and 30's. I discovered that if you couldn't dance, you were resigning yourself to a life of loneliness.

So my conclusion is: Women love to dance, and anyone that can move on the dance floor is heads and shoulders above all the other guys that are simply standing around waiting for something to happen.

Ironically, many of the guys that could move on the dance floor weren't necessarily the best looking or had the greatest personality. They simply had something that women wanted, and that was a dance partner. Being the eternal rebel, I was resistant to change and always thought of dancing as something that sissies did.

Fast-forward to about two years ago. I finally gave in and decided to take some dance lessons. I managed to talk my sister-in-law into helping me out with some basic moves and also took some formal lessons. I was determined to learn how to dance, though I was in my 30s, even if it killed me. I should also mention that I'm extremely uncoordinated and clumsy – so this really was a challenge.

These days, I'm quite comfortable getting up on the dance floor. I've gotten to the point where I at least look okay, although I'll ever be someone who people notice. That's okay though, because just knowing how to dance a little has opened up a whole new world to me. I didn't realize how much I was missing and how much I was leaving on the table.

I shudder to think of how many lost opportunities I've had over the years because I simply refused to (or was scared to) get up on the dance floor. In my experience, even if I managed to start talking to a woman, the minute I was asked to get up and dance (and then I refused), the evening was over in short order.

My only regret was that I waited until my mid-30s to learn. I often wonder how different my life could have been had I taken the initiative to learn a few basic moves back in my teen years. Oh well, such is life.