Finally, some progress


The challenge is going slow. As I mentioned before, there is not much I can do to try and meet women (the nightclub episode is a prime example) until I take care of a few things. One is my weight, and the other is my finances. Fortunately, I have great news in both departments.

I have lost almost 10 lbs and at least one belt size. I feel pretty good because I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can physically feel a difference. And the reason that is so great is that I no longer have to rely on faith to fuel my determination. I am actually experiencing real-life results, and that is an awesome feeling. It’s given me a tremendous boost and I’m even more determined than ever to toughen up this soft, flabby exterior.

I’ve also started working part-time for an internet firm in Vancouver. I know what you’re thinking: I’m in Ontario. However, the job is all internet based. I am doing some programming work for them on a contract basis. It’s not full time, but it’s going to generate enough money until I can get a real job here. I’ve been blasting my resume to every company I can think of in the meantime.

Next on my hit list will be a visit to the optometrist to get rid of these awful “geek” glasses. Now, I don’t think wearing glasses is necessarily a bad thing, but they should at least be in style. I’ve been neglecting my looks for so long; it didn’t even occur to me how bad some things have gotten.

I’m thinking I will probably opt for contacts unless I see some glasses that really suit me. I’m sure they’ll do a double take over there when they see how out of date my glasses are.

The bar scene is not my scene


Going to that club on Saturday night was a mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’d been out to places like that with my brother in the past and pretty much had the same experience. So, what made me think that things would be any different this time around?

There are so many things working against a guy like me in a place like that. Where would I begin? I suppose if I were to sum it all up, I would have to say that I’m not the typical night-club patron. I don’t fit the profile.

Nightclubs are just one big competition, where looks count for everything, period. There is absolutely no way that a below average looking guy stands a chance. That’s pretty unfair, because there is a lot more to a person than looks. Some of us have wonderful personalities that are never discovered and shared by others because we cannot get our foot in the door.

Who says looks aren’t important?

While at the club, I spent a lot of time standing around, observing things. I got so good that I could tell what kind of reception a guy would get based on his looks and her looks. Amazingly, I was almost always dead on. Let’s face it, you have 2 seconds to make your impression, and quite often it’s based on your looks only. You don’t even have to say a word to be accepted or rejected.

The floor of a nightclub is just one big open market. It is a non-stop parade of people strutting their stuff in front of others, trying to get the attention of the best looking guy/girl in their looks category. Oh, and don’t ever think about making a move for someone outside of your category unless you thrive on humiliation.

The club is generally dominated by the best looking people in the crowd. They get all the attention (without even trying) and have their choice of partners. The fact that they won the genetic lottery by being born “good-looking” is envious. It’s not like they even had to work for it. And yes, I am jealous. I wish it was me - lucky bastards.

Sorry, this attitude is not helping.

My biggest complaint, though, is the volume level of the music in these places. I consider myself a pretty good conversationalist, and I’ve been told that I am interesting to listen to. I often wonder if things would be different without the music. If I had a chance to speak to people, would things be any different?

Who am I kidding? The expectations of many women in these clubs are out of this world and looks would still be the deciding factor.

Ok, now for the good news: Most of us don’t meet in clubs, and I am so thankful for that. If, in order to get a date, I had no choice but to compete in a nightclub with all the pretty boys of the world, I surely would be in trouble. I’d have to resign myself to the fact that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. Sad, but true.

Too much, too soon. A hard lesson learned


Last night, I went out with two people from my previous workplace. I would consider them friends, even though we don’t get together very often. John and Albert are 28 and 30. They are both single and, I suppose one could say, very experienced at picking up women. We got to know each other after a weekend team-building workshop a few years back.

They are both aware of my difficulties with women, although we have never really sat down and talked about it (I guess that after a while these things are just obvious).
The thing is that they probably know it’s a sensitive topic for me and they don’t want to make me feel any worse than I already do.

We got to the club around 10pm and things were pretty busy. There was a lineup outside, however this was not one of those places where the bouncers only let in a certain “type.” There was a lineup because there were just too many people inside.

While waiting, I became very self-conscious as I looked around and noticed how much better everyone looked than me. It seemed that they all looked so much more attractive than I did - Everything from their clothes, to their hair, to their physique. Now, I don’t normally go around looking at guys, however, since the challenge started, I have been noticing others and comparing myself.

Once inside, the music was so loud that there was no way to have a conversation without yelling into someone’s ear. Right away, I was at a disadvantage because after conversation skills, I really have nothing that would interest a woman.

Damn, I wished that I could have done this in a few months - after the results of my exercise and diet started showing. I felt like a fish out of water. I didn’t belong there, and I’m sure many people thought the same. I decided to order a drink at the bar and kinda stand around, looking like I was enjoying myself.

Women were actually looking at me, but they were more curious, puzzled looks than anything - certainly not friendly or flirtatious. I went to the washroom to gain my composure.

Standing in front of the mirror, I looked like hell. My stomach threatened to burst the buttons of my short-sleeve dress shirt, my armpit sweat stains were highly visible, and my ill-fitting polyester pants were straining to hold everything in. What a joke! I couldn’t believe I was actually there.

Having lost my two friends hours ago (they could chat up any woman in the place, even with the music as loud as it was), I was ready to get the hell out of there. I didn’t dare approach any woman because I knew what the result would be – and this wasn’t a “lack of self-esteem” issue – this was a fact. I didn’t belong there – it was too soon – I wasn’t ready. I needed to regain my composure.

I left my beer on the counter and headed out the front door, walking towards the nearest bus-stop.

Diet and exercise :(

Diets suck (badly). I love to eat. There’s no denying that. It’s one of the few pleasures I have in life, yet it’s solely responsible for the way I look today. I feel torn between instant pleasure now (food), and greater pleasure down the road (dating, girlfriend).

Food makes me happy and I’m torturing myself with this diet. All this for an end result that may, or may not, come. Yes, it’s possible that, even after all this, I’ll still be as undesirable as I am now (albeit a lot lighter).

But as tempting as it is to fall off the wagon, it is even more tempting to take a chance on what might be a happier life down the road. Without losing this extra weight, I’ll end up doing the same thing years from now, and being just as lonely. It’s not really a matter of having a choice – either I want a better lifestyle, or I don’t. If I do, then I’d better be prepared to put in the time and effort it’s going to take to succeed.

It’s just mind over matter and nothing more. I have a food addiction that I need to kick, and it’s as simple as that.

The other variable that I’ve been toying with is exercise. If I increase my exercise frequency and intensity, then I should be able to eat more. So I’m left to choose between not eating, and exercise. I think I might try to up the intensity of my exercise program.

Besides, I need to get rid of the “soft” look I’ve got going, and I’m not sure that diet on it’s own will accomplish that.

I’ve been dieting and exercising (weights and cycling) for a few weeks now, but I haven’t seen a huge difference - however, I do feel stronger and lighter on my feet. Maybe that’s the start of something great.

It’s too early to tell, but I’ll hang in there because there is nothing for me if I go back to the way things were.

The dough-boy look


Losing weight is about the only constructive thing I can do right now. Well, the only thing that won’t cost money. I’ve been down to the library and it’s amazing how many diet books are out there. I’m going to follow one from a book written by a nutritionist that caught my eye. It seems sensible in that it promotes good food, but still has a variety of things to eat. In other words, it doesn’t eliminate fun foods, but has a little less of them.

Basically, it promotes a combination of good food, less quantity, and exercise - all the things I don’t like. But hey - I never said this was going to be easy. Besides, it’s a necessity. There is no way I’m going to ease my way into the dating world looking like this. I’m going to shoot for 30 lbs and see how things go. My book suggests that a healthy weight loss would be around 2-4 lbs a week - sounds doable.

I won’t bore you with the details of the diet, but I’m hoping that between eating less and exercising, I’ll make a dent in this dough-boy look I’ve got going on here.

The exercise part is pretty basic stuff. Things like walking, biking, and light weights. I’ll have to start walking before I try anything else because this body needs an adjustment period. To say that I’m out of shape is an understatement.

And that brings me to my next point. Have you ever noticed that soft, flabby, out-of-shape guys never get women? It’s one of the most noticeable things I witnessed in my two day social experiment. While watching people and couples, I noticed that even overweight guys with a manlier, muscular look got good looking women. What’s the difference between them and me - masculinity maybe?

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but somehow I feel less masculine than most guys. Even though I’m not a small, weak person, I’m horribly out of shape from years in front of the computer. Let’s just say that there is a difference between a 220 lb guy with a bit of muscle and a rugged look, and a 220lb guy that is soft, pudgy, and kinda pear-shaped. Who do you think will have a better chance at attracting women?

That is my motivation. I don’t want to be the guy that women feel repulsed by. I know there is someone worthwhile under all this – it’s just going to take some work to bring it out.

Money isn't everything, but it helps


Getting a job has got to be one of the first things I do. Without money, I can’t make a move. I know I need to work on my appearance, but there is only so much I can do without the means to buy clothes and get new glasses or contacts, etc… Also, without money, it’s impossible for me to get out and socialize, or even ask anyone out.

Do I really need money? Is there any way that I might be able to pull this off without an income? Highly unlikely – I already have so many things working against me; I don’t have the luxury of not needing money.

Besides, I feel like I’m wasting my life and not progressing like others my own age. Some old school chums have gone on to become lawyers, accountants, and executives. I am ashamed of what I’ve done with my life so far, and it’s definitely not doing my self- esteem any favors.

Actually, I don’t know how I deteriorated to this point. Perhaps I’m suffering from depression and don’t realize it – or don’t want to acknowledge it.

But, it’s not like I have never had a job. In fact, I’ve got several years experience in computer systems. So I’m hoping that any potential employers will overlook the huge gap in my work history and hire me for my experience.

It’s funny how quickly society will condemn an unemployed person. I’m sure that my entire family thinks there is something really wrong with me. Also, I couldn’t imagine meeting a woman and asking her out, only to have her ditch me once she finds out I’m unemployed and live with my parents.

I need a job - badly.

Dating - perfectly matched couples



Being an unemployed bum can have its advantages. For instance, I spent the entire day just watching people – couples, in particular. I didn’t go so far as to take a notepad (how much of a geek do you think I am? Don’t answer that), but, nevertheless, I still managed to take in a lot of info.

It’s surprising how much goes on around us that we don’t notice – unless we are specifically looking for it.

Among my observations, I noticed that most people seem well suited for each other. It’s as if everyone knows what “level” they’re at socially, and choose a partner from that group. It’s hard to explain, but after a while, I noticed that I could fully understand why certain people are together. I did not see any mismatched couples at all. It’s like we all know our place.

Take the example of a beautiful woman walking with her boyfriend. I could see why she was with him. He was just the “type” that would have a woman like this. She would never be seen walking around on the arm of someone like me – it’s like some unwritten rule – it simply would not happen.

Another guy I observed waiting for his wife at the exit to the mall seemed ok looking, but very plain. I made a bet with myself as to what his wife would look like. Well, she wasn’t exactly what I expected, but still very much within this guy’s range – I was spot on.

And it wasn’t just one thing about these people either - It was their entire makeup. Of course there were the facial looks and body physique, but it was also a thousand other things – things that make each of us unique. It made me realize that there is a lot going on here – more than we can imagine.

It’s a combination of everything that determines our desirability and places us in one class or the other. Our persona is the sum of every single one of these characteristics. Some of us are lucky enough to end up in the desirable range, and some are not.

Keep in mind; I’m speaking in generalizations here. There are many women that I find attractive that don’t fit society’s typical mold for desirability.

Suddenly, I realized it’s quite possible that people are constantly classifying others, whether they are aware of it or not. I also realized that we humans seem to have a gift for picking up on someone’s true self in very short order.

This was not looking good for me.

People watching

I thought that a good way to begin my self-improvement endeavor would be to watch supposedly “successful” people operate. Who knows, maybe I can pick up a thing or two. At the very least, I should be able to get an idea of the best way to present myself.

The dating site experiment has served its purpose. At least I know where I am starting from. I suppose I knew all along that I would be starting in the basement, but there’s nothing like actually seeing it in real life.

I do have a list of things that I know I need to improve on, but I want to try this social experiment first. It’s funny how much goes on around us, and we don’t even notice. Observing others in public is no big deal. It’s something that is happening all the time – except now I plan to pay more attention.

So, starting today, I’m going to get out there and really observe what seems to work. I’ll start out with just a walk in the park, a visit to the mall, or a walk down Main Street. Later, I want to check out a local nightclub with a friend of mine.

Laying the ground-work

Well, even though I haven’t been posting much in the last week or so, I have been busy laying more of the ground-work for the challenge. I think the hardest part was finding a starting point. Where do I improve – and what will give me the biggest bang for my buck?

Now, self-improvement can be a life-long journey. I would venture to say that I could spend the rest of my life in the quest for perfection. However, the reality is that I am limited by what God gave me, and by the amount of time available. In other words, I don’t want to turn this into an obsession. Besides, who among us is perfect anyway? It’s our faults and imperfections that make us unique human beings.

Now, having said all that, I really do have a lot of work to do in order to make myself presentable. Keep in mind here, I’m not out to compete with all the studs of the world in trying to land the best looking woman in town, because I know my limitations. I know that self-improvement will only go so far.

However, because I’m starting from nothing, there is a lot of room for improvement – a lot of easy, simple things that will go a long way.

Among these are:

• Dieting/Exercising

• Changing my wardrobe

• Getting a job

• Cosmetic (glasses, new haircut)

Did I mention a personality change? Well, that’s going to be the tough one.

More dating site results

The results are finally in from the dating sites. If you don’t count the scammers (they are relentless), I got two genuine responses. That isn’t bad, really - considering the fact that most people will ignore you if you don’t fit their ideal profile.

The first response was from a 30 year-old “attached” woman that was just looking for friends. Wtf is that all about? Why would you be on a dating site “just looking for friends?” There are sites out there that specifically cater to people looking for friends.

The other response was from a very attractive 26 year old woman. She was kind enough, but told me in no uncertain terms that I was not her type and she wished me luck in my endeavors.

I also got the results back from the ratings sites. Let’s just say that I was in the bottom 20 percent. I could handle that, but are the cruel comments really necessary? It should bother me, but I’m used to it. I really wasn’t expecting anything more. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t being too hard on myself. The truth hurts, but it’s also an invaluable tool in establishing a realistic starting point.

The bottom line is that I got what I was after. The results are in and it’s not great. The positive thing is that there is only one way to go once you’ve hit rock-bottom, and that’s up.

I don’t anticipate any more responses – but you never know…