How to Meet Women

Men like things that make sense. We repair cars, build furniture, and spend our free time cursing tiny model ships in bottles. All of these things have clear cut systems and “how-to” procedures that make them possible to achieve, and that's what we like: instructions. Sure sure, we men are renowned for refusing to ask for directions, but the truth is we like a system that has clear cut goals and methods that allow us to reach them. But what's that have to do with meeting women? Well, as tricky and unique as women are, you can develop a general system for meeting them that works.

The truth of the matter is guys meet women everyday. You meet women in the grocery store, at work, on the bus or subway, in line at the bank. Everywhere. The trick is being able to turn these brief chance encounters into a date, and then series of dates that lead ultimately to a relationship.

Remember, you're making first impressions all the time. You might be thinking about leaving the house in your cutoffs and the tank top you mow the lawn in fellas, after all “nobody important” is going to see you, or are they? If you want to meet women, you have to remember that you might meet a woman doing anything, going anywhere. Be prepared for this chance. That means ditch the rags and pull on some decent threads, even if you're just running out to the store real quick.

You may be inclined to think that bars and clubs are good places to meet women, and for some people they probably are. But the truth is that for most of us, we'd be better off meeting somebody in a grocery store, gym, or even a public pool. Most people go to clubs or bars to do two things: drink, and “hook up.” This means that a large number of people in any given bar are either bouncing from disposable relationship to disposable relationship, or worse, they're alcoholic. If you approach a woman in a gym, or grocery store, you don't have to compete with any loud music or pushy drunk people. You can also use the casual setting to help you find things in common so you have something to talk about if you do get her to agree to a date.

Meeting women is easy. You do it all the time, every day, everywhere. You just need to spend a little time making sure you look presentable. Then casually express interest and see if you can get a date. Remember, in the end, if you don't ask, the answer is always “no.”

A Few Minor Changes Can Revive Your Social Life!

Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing out on most of what life has to offer? Do you feel like you're running out of chances to meet the girl of your dreams? Are you finding it incredibly difficult to meet women while most other guys seem to be having the time of their lives? Well, what you may not realize is that you've got every opportunity they have, you just need to change the way you look at things. Most importantly, you need to change the way you approach the concept of women and dating.

Basically, what it all comes down to is the way you're projecting your personality – the way other people are perceiving you. Though it may not be readily apparent, there's a good chance that you're not coming across as the guy you want to be, or can be. For this reason, it's vitally important to identify your weaknesses. Try getting the opinion of a trusted friend – what you're looking for is a real, honest opinion of how you come across to people.

Though the truth may hurt, it's important to know where you're making your mistakes before you can improve on things. Are you coming across as self-conscious, introverted, or tentative? Or do you tend to overwhelm people with your boisterous personality? Either way, there are certainly things about your personality that you can improve on and having outside opinion is worth its weight in gold.

So why can't you simply analyze your own personality and make the required changes? Well the problem is that you've gotten used to who you are and, in your mind, there is nothing wrong with the way you come across to people.

When it comes to meeting and dating women, there is a good chance that you're making some crucial mistakes that you don't even realize. Oftentimes, all it takes is a little tweak here and there and you'll see an incredible difference in your social life. For most people, it's simply a matter changing a few minor personality traits.

Even Average Guys Can Date Attractive Women - If They Have the Right Attitude

Are you convinced that only good looking, charismatic, successful guys get attractive women? Well, that's what I thought a few years back when I first started this blog, but I can confidently say after meeting and dating my fair share of women that nothing could be further from the truth. A lot has changed in my life since than – in fact, you could say that my entire outlook on women and life in general is completely different.

Originally, I started this blog as a kind of personal diary and a challenge to myself to get a full-time girlfriend within the period of one year. Just looking back at that now makes me realize how little I knew about women, dating, and my own potential to get out there and find/create my own happiness.

If you've read any of my previous stuff, you'll know that I had been carrying around a lot of emotional baggage back then. Everything from my weight, to my receding hairline, to my glasses – It just seemed that I really had nothing going for me at all.

Even after losing a ton of weight, getting contacts, and updating my wardrobe, I still didn't feel particularly confident. This really started getting me down because it almost seemed as though all that work was for nothing. Inside, I was the same insecure person I always was.

So what changed?

Well, I think my biggest epiphany came when I was on the verge of giving up completely. I was so tired of trying to be someone I wasn't just to attract women. It just wasn't me and as a result, I was failing miserably. I realized right there and then that I was just trying a little to hard. As a result, I stopped putting such an emphasis on the end result and adopted the attitude that whatever happened, happened.

Looking back, I'm sure that I was giving off desperation vibes like crazy. It's no wonder I couldn't attract anyone.

An amazing thing happened once I was able to do this. I actually started getting more women to talk to me. As amazing as that sounds, the less attention I payed to them, the more friendly they became. I know there are a lot of theories out there about this, but it actually did work for me – I honestly never would have believed it if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

To be honest, I had tried this hard-to-get tactic in the past, but I was never able to pull it off because I was making one small mistake. I wasn't playing hard to get, I was completely ignoring them. There is a huge difference. If you ignore women completely, don't expect them to be falling all over you – unless, of course, you are so good looking they just can't help themselves. Not only that, but it requires no effort at all to ignore people – it's the easiest thing in the world.

Acting with confidence while charming a woman - well, that's something different altogether. That actually does take effort.

When it's all said and done, it really is a very delicate balancing act. You want to impress her and get closer, but at the same time, you want to come off as if your whole world isn't riding on whether she likes you or not. Be confident, personable, charming, funny, and sincere, but slightly aloof. Never show desperation – even when you think things are going well. In other words, never show your hand.

Falling For Every Woman

In my last post, I talked about the importance of making contact with more than one woman. In other words, it's always a good idea to have a few options. If you want to know the truth, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The main reason is that I have a tendency to fall for a woman very easily.

It can be a real problem when you're trying to play the field and exploring your options. As I mentioned in my last post, putting all your efforts into one person and then having them reject you for whatever reason is not a sensible thing to do.

Eventually, I started dating more and meeting more women. As a result, my tendency to start falling for the first woman I talked to seemed to diminish. I remember as a teenager being teased by my older brothers saying that the first woman who kissed me I'd ask to marry. I suppose they weren't far off on their prediction.

Throughout high school and college, I dated very little and I tended to be somewhat clingy with anyone that showed me even the slightest bit of interest. A lot of this had to do with my low self-esteem and confidence - but that's another story.

The bottom line is that I've discovered that by playing the field and making contact with as many women as possible, I was able to make a more mature and sensible decision as far as who I wanted to get serious with. It's not that I have 20 women at my beck and call, because I'm just an average looking guy; but I discovered that didn't matter anyway. If you put your mind to it, you can get out there and meet tons of people. Anyone can do this - I'm proof of that.

Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

As I mentioned in my last post, you're not really doing yourself any favors by trying to be someone you're not. Eventually it's all going to come down like a house of cards. So, you are simply postponing the inevitable.

One huge mistake I used to make (and I still make sometimes) is that I simply bet everything on one woman. I'd concentrate all my efforts on one particular person and painstakingly tried to polish my act in order to get her to like me. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Any guy who has success with women will tell you that this is a bad idea. It's much better to spread yourself around and have more options.

By not zeroing in on one particular woman, you're better able to play the numbers game - and, quite often, that's exactly what it takes in order to have success in the dating world. Let's face it: not every woman is going to like you. Don't worry, and don't take it personally; that's simply the way it is. There are no two people on the face of this planet that are exactly alike. Sometimes there is simply no chemistry, and other times there are extenuating circumstances that you're not even aware of. Often, it goes past a simple compatibility issue.

By having more than one option available to you, you are creating a much bigger advantage and eventual chance at happiness. While some people may think this approach may be a little on the sleazy side, I beg to differ. It's not like you have to sleep with every partner you come in contact with.

Besides, your true soul mate may actually be out there somewhere while you're wasting your time with someone that isn't your type. You're never going to know this unless you date different people. That is a fact and there's no way around it.

In my case, I quickly realized that my tendency to concentrate on only one person at a time was really my own lack of self-esteem and confidence. Once I was comfortable with one person, I found it difficult to stretch the boundaries and really get out there and try different things. As they say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, that's not exactly the greatest advice in the dating world, unfortunately.

Just be Yourself

As a single guy, and one who is relatively inexperienced in the dating world, one of the toughest challenges I've ever faced was to simply be myself. For some reason, once I was out in public around women, I assumed a different personality because I didn't like my own. This new "me" was always trying to be funny, clever, interesting, and likable. What I usually came off as was a desperate, needy guy who was trying to seek approval and attention from everyone.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly why I couldn't be myself around women. It's not like I had a horrible personality when I was just being me. Yes, I may not have been as talkative, clever, or funny, but I was sincere, down-to-earth and could carry a pretty good conversation.

It's only been within the last year or so that I've realized being yourself is not entirely bad. Heck, if they don't like me, then at least I won't be wasting anyone's time, including my own. Ultimately, if you establish any kind of relationship, your real personality is going to come out anyway - so why prolong it?

I think the problem many guys have is fear of failure. They would rather seek approval from everyone even if it means that they have to completely change their personality. Yes, you may attract more women by putting on this false front, but really, what's it going to buy you in the long run?

Once I started simply being myself, I noticed that I tended not to become stressed out as much. The conversations I did have seemed to be a little more relaxed and fluid. A big part of this new mindset was convincing myself that I didn't have to please everyone and, although I may have had to talk to more women, the ones I did connect with would be real.

So the next time you're talking to a beautiful woman and you're afraid that you're going to lose her if she discovers who you really are, simply remind yourself that there are more fish in the sea and it's not the end of the world. Sometimes dating is just a numbers game and you've got to go through a few rough patches before you find what you're looking for.

Average Looking Guys do Have a Chance

I have to admit, I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world. Although, I have been doing quite a bit to improve my image over the past two or three years, I am still faced with the harsh reality of simply being average looking. For a while, I convinced myself that looks really don't matter, but who was I kidding - honestly?

While it's certainly in your best interest to maintain a positive outlook and project confidence and self-assuredness when talking to women, it's also a good idea to be aware of the fact that they do place a value on looks alone. Yes, it's a cold harsh reality.

Now, you can take this in one of two ways. You can continue to torture yourself for the rest of your life always feeling like a victim because you don't measure up in the looks department, or you can accept yourself for who you are and work on things you can change.

Personally, I did everything I could to improve my looks including losing weight, getting contacts, and improving my wardrobe. I got to the point where it really wasn't possible to do much more.

After that, I concentrated on the things I could change instead of obsessing and beating myself up for not being good looking enough or not measuring up to the best looking guy in a crowd.

One really bad habit I got out of was my tendency to compare myself to the best looking guys in a crowd. That was just self-torture and would always create a negative state of mind. Of course there's always going to be someone better looking than you in a crowd. If you continue to compare yourself to these people, you're going to end up feeling bad - end of story.

Now here's the good news: I've discovered that it is possible to improve your personality to the point where you actually overshadow those guys you can't compare to in looks.

I've also discovered that many guys that have been gifted with rugged good looks are, in fact, lacking in personality and substance. Even though they may be able to initially attract the best looking women, I believe someone with average looks can outdo them in the long run.

So I guess what I'm saying is that once you've learned to accept yourself for who you are, you can start working on things that you can change. This is a much better use of your efforts than simply beating yourself up because you don't measure up to the top 2% of the population.

A Training Course - More Than I Bargained For

A few months ago, I was asked to attend a training session for one of my biggest customers. I do contract work for them. The training was one week long and fully paid by the corporation.

My field is programming and if you know anything about software guys it's that many don't have the most outgoing personalities. I apologize to anyone I’m offending by saying this, I’m just going by my own experience.

Suffice it to say, I'm not that confident, I'm shy, and most times I'm unsure of myself. This has been my basic personality for the past 30 odd years, so I don't anticipate changing that much.

Anyway, when I get to the training session, I realize that it's also very sales oriented and, hence, there are a lot of salespeople in attendance - male and female. They were all your typical sales types - good-looking, cocky, and very outgoing.

One of the first things I noticed was how gorgeous most of the female sales reps were. Now, I'm not naïve enough to think that I'm even in the same league, but they certainly were nice to look at.

Once training got underway, I noticed something very peculiar. It seemed that the male sales reps picked up on my personality in two seconds flat and used it as some sort of pawn in their attempt to impress the female reps. Yes, I was the butt of a few jokes and a couple putdowns.

Strangely enough, although they were in competition with each other for the attention of the beautiful women, I felt no competition at all between myself and them. I suppose in their mind they didn't even consider me a contender.

It was at that very moment that I realized there's not a whole lot of difference between the human race and the animal kingdom. Here you have a group of Alpha males jockeying for position while average males stand by and watch. It was a little humiliating, but also an interesting experience.

What I took away from all this was that people are certainly in different classes and each person has his/her place in the grand scheme of things. These beautiful female sales reps were nice enough to me on the surface, but deep down they knew, and I knew, that there wasn't a hope in hell that I'd have a chance to be with them romantically.

Isn't it funny how we are still governed by nature in our ultra-civilized world?

Women Love to Dance

If you're like most guys, dancing probably doesn't come naturally to you. Furthermore, it's probably not something that you're too anxious to learn. Let me re-word that: if you're unsuccessful with women, there's a good chance that you can't dance and you're not interested in learning.

Of course, that's a pretty general assumption and I apologize to anyone that's offended by reading that. As usual, I'm speaking from my own experiences and my many male friends that have the same problem with women that I have (or did).

From the time I first started becoming interested in women, I noticed a peculiar thing – but really didn't give it much thought until later on in life. I noticed that most women love to dance. This was apparent from my first junior high dance experience. Of course, at that age, who really knew what to do, how to do it, and what women (girls) actually liked. One thing I did notice, even at that early age, was that most of the girls seem to enjoy dancing. In fact, our high school dances consisted mainly of girls dancing with each other (or the occasional guy), and the majority of the other guys sitting around or propping up a wall.

There was an invaluable life lesson to be learned there, but I was too immature to really notice it. Looking back now, it seemed that there was only a handful of guys in our entire school that could dance properly. Coincidently, they always seem to be surrounded by women and lived life as though it were a beer commercial.

Convinced that this was simply an adolescent phase, I quickly learned that dancing was an important part of the entire dating scene even into my 20's and 30's. I discovered that if you couldn't dance, you were resigning yourself to a life of loneliness.

So my conclusion is: Women love to dance, and anyone that can move on the dance floor is heads and shoulders above all the other guys that are simply standing around waiting for something to happen.

Ironically, many of the guys that could move on the dance floor weren't necessarily the best looking or had the greatest personality. They simply had something that women wanted, and that was a dance partner. Being the eternal rebel, I was resistant to change and always thought of dancing as something that sissies did.

Fast-forward to about two years ago. I finally gave in and decided to take some dance lessons. I managed to talk my sister-in-law into helping me out with some basic moves and also took some formal lessons. I was determined to learn how to dance, though I was in my 30s, even if it killed me. I should also mention that I'm extremely uncoordinated and clumsy – so this really was a challenge.

These days, I'm quite comfortable getting up on the dance floor. I've gotten to the point where I at least look okay, although I'll ever be someone who people notice. That's okay though, because just knowing how to dance a little has opened up a whole new world to me. I didn't realize how much I was missing and how much I was leaving on the table.

I shudder to think of how many lost opportunities I've had over the years because I simply refused to (or was scared to) get up on the dance floor. In my experience, even if I managed to start talking to a woman, the minute I was asked to get up and dance (and then I refused), the evening was over in short order.

My only regret was that I waited until my mid-30s to learn. I often wonder how different my life could have been had I taken the initiative to learn a few basic moves back in my teen years. Oh well, such is life.

A Personality Just Ripe For Rejection

Over the past few years, I've made more mistakes with women than you can possibly imagine. In fact, I've seriously lost count of all the screw ups I've made. Now, initially I took this in an extremely negative way. The more mistakes I made, the more of a loser I became (at least that's how it seemed at the time).

It got so bad that I fully expected to be rejected even before I mustered up the courage to talk to a woman. In my mind, I was defeated before I even walked over. At one point, it was as though I had an insatiable thirst for rejection and humiliation and simply went from one woman to the other to see how much I could take - though it seemed like I was becoming immune to this mistreatment, every incident slowly chipped away at my fragile self-esteem.

So what's changed?

Well, I realized that a lot of my problem had to do with my maturity level. Although I didn't realize it at the time, there was just this thing about me that turned women off. Actually, it was a combination of a lot of things: immaturity, low self-esteem, lack of social skills, desperation, neediness, and the list goes on. Is it any wonder that I kept getting rejected?

Now the problem with getting rejected is that it becomes a self filling prophecy. Every rejection firmed up the fact that I was a loser - and on it went...

So you could say that the root of my problem was the negative image I was sending out. Even though most of the stuff was in my head, it was very evident that I was radiating some sort of negativity/desperation vibe.

It's amazing what people can pick up on - especially a woman to whom you are attracted. Needless to say, I had a lot of work to do on myself before I'd have any success meeting the girl of my dreams.