Dating - dressing for success

In the dating world, nothing gives you a bigger bang for your buck, and does more for your image, than dressing smartly. You literally have seconds to make a good first impression - and while you may not be able to do much about your physical look, you can at least increase your desirability by making an effort in the clothes department.

Think your date won’t notice your mismatched wardrobe and scruffy shoes? Guess again. Though she might not notice on a conscious level, make no mistake, you are being evaluated.

Besides losing weight, my biggest breakthrough came when I stopped dressing like a bum and invested in some new clothes. I was also surprised at how economically this could be done.

Here are 5 ways I was able to improve my wardrobe:

1. Try to get a second opinion before you go ahead and purchase an item. Better yet, take along a female friend. In my case, I asked my sister-in-law to come with me. I was amazing how much we disagreed about what looked good and what didn’t. In the end, she convinced me to try new things that were a little out of my comfort zone. Looking back now, I’m glad she did because she really has a great sense of what looks good on a guy.

2. Look in the latest magazines (yes, even women’s magazines) to get an idea of what is in style. Also take note of what the mannequins are wearing in the top clothing stores. Take note of how colors are used.

3. Buy things on sale. Good quality, stylish clothing is expensive. I never paid full price for anything I bought, and I was still able to get most of what I wanted. You might have to wait for some items, but getting a quality piece of clothing for the same price as a department store knockoff makes good sense. Besides, the department store item will have a cheap look that will be noticeable.

4. Take care of your investment. Launder your good clothes according to the manufactures label. Sounds obvious, but I ruined some very nice shirts by not following the directions. Also, keep your best cloths separate from your daily stuff. Less wear and tear means more money in your pocket.

5. Dress for your age and body style. If you are middle-aged and a little overweight – accept that fact. Nothing looks worse than someone dressing to look younger. Wear comfortably fitting clothing that compliments your age and body type.

That’s about it. The only other thing I can add to this is that you should never wear your worst looking clothes in public. I’m talking about putting on that horribly wrinkled shirt or those track pants to pop to the store for groceries. You may not be heading out on a date, but sometimes opportunity knocks in the most unexpected way. Imagine meeting the woman of your dreams while dressed like you slept in your clothes – can you say embarrassing?

Wear clean, stylish, wrinkle-free, everyday clothes in situations like that, because you never know who’s around the next corner.

Dating anxiety

Dating sites and introduction services are a good thing as long as you are ready to actually meet someone. My experience was mostly negative because of my confidence and self-esteem issues.

Creating dating site profiles and hanging around different bars and clubs wasted a lot of my time. I had other issues that I needed to take care of before I would have any success with these methods.

I needed to stop concentrating on romance and start looking inward.

Dating aside, my number one problem was insecurity and low self-esteem. How could I expect to meet someone when I had all that going on? I’m sure (well, actually, I know) that people can see right through me and I come off as anxious and nervous. In fact, it’s bad enough in everyday life, let alone in the dating world.

Yeah, it’s natural to feel a little nervous on a first date, but my level of nervousness caused me to behave in a peculiar way. Because of my nervousness, I would say and do things that sent out the “weirdo” vibes. Woman would pick up on this instantly and the date would end prematurely.

I experienced this many times. It’s discouraging because I had a hard enough time getting them to agree to go out on a date to begin with.

Deep down, I know I have a decent personality; it’s just that I become a different person when I am out in public. I’m not just talking about dating here. I have a difficult time meeting people and making friends in general. I’m sure it also has a lot to do with experience.

So, as you can see, I have other issues that run a little deeper than getting rejected by just about every woman I come into contact with.

Now, the real question is: Where do I start on my self-improvement?

Dating and a few tough lessons

The dating challenge was kind of a dumb idea. For those of you who haven’t been following things, check out the last 40 posts and you’ll get an idea of what I’ve been trying to accomplish during the past year.

Although things didn’t turn out great, it was a real eye-opener in the sense that I’ve learned some tough lessons. Here are some of them in no particular order:

I am not cut out for bars/clubs. I don’t know what made me think I’d have any amount of success in this high-pressure/high-competition venue. Some of my worst disasters happened there. Bottom line: I’m completely out of my element. Maybe some day I’ll have the confidence to give it another go, but for now – no.

I am too passive, nice, and agreeable. It’s not to say that one must act like a total jerk, but there can be too much of a good thing. Remember, there is a fine line between being too agreeable and being boring. This is not an attractive trait, because it always appeared that I had no will of my own. The “nice-guy” personality causes problems in other areas of my life also.

I failed to give the dating sites a fair chance. Given the fact that I now hate bars, this is one area that I intend to pursue right away. In hindsight, I think online dating is custom made for a guy like me. I will be working on a new profile soon. Of all the possibilities out there, I think this one has the greatest chance of succeeding.

I’ve learned that I have a lot of work to do on my confidence and self-esteem issues. I’ve got some very deep-rooted issues with self-esteem – the dating thing just magnifies everything times a hundred.

Looks are important. When I first started this challenge, I was overweight, sloppy, and I didn’t care. I got my appearance in order pretty darn quick because in dating, the first impression is crucial – like it or not, those are the rules. By the way, anyone can improve their appearance, no matter what they look like.

I couldn’t relax. I always appeared nervous and anxious around women – especially when I was out on a date. This was related to my lack of confidence, of course. If I make any headway in the area of self-esteem, I’m hoping this will be a non-issue.

I had no other interests, hobbies, talents, or pursuits. After the initial dinner, movie, coffee (whatever), I had nothing left. If they wanted to see me after that first date, I was stuck for things to do.

Also, having some other interests would have given me some personal satisfaction – let’s not forget that.

I failed to build other relationships (I had no friends). Having a good network of friends can do wonders for you. I remember meeting this one woman online and eventually we hooked up a few times for coffee. I think she was ok with my appearance and personality, but as it became apparent that I didn’t have many friends, I sensed that she assumed I was introverted and desperate.

And my final (and biggest) revelation:

Have some self-respect. I was much too hard on myself and felt guilty for everything. I now realize that it’s a two-way street, and that I wasn’t the only one at fault when things didn’t work out.

This last point is a biggie and one that many of us miss, I suspect.