First Impressions - She's Already Made up Her Mind

First impressions are everything, especially in the dating world. Though you may not realize it, most times a potential mate will have you “figured out” within seconds of meeting. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless the image you are portraying is so negative that it kills any chance of a romantic encounter at all. Notice that there is a difference between the image you project, and the image you want to project.

Many women (even though they already have an impression of you burned in their minds) will, at least, allow you the opportunity to redeem yourself and disprove their preconceived notions. However, be aware that once that initial impression has been made, it is almost written in stone – you’ve got to be very persuasive to change it.

So, obviously, the solution is to make your first impression a good one - Sounds easy enough, but there are many things out of your control. Sure you can do everything in your power to appear confident and project a positive image, but what if you remind her of an ex-boyfriend who dumped her? What if you remind her of her brother? Perhaps you resemble that geeky, obnoxious guy at work – or the rude landlord. There can be many things that are simply out of your control. The sad thing is that you’ll never really know.

What’s even more amazing is the fact that she may not even be aware that she is making assumptions and forming opinions – at least, not on a conscious level. Human beings interpret things on many levels and while there is no logical reason for her to despise you, it can exist somewhere below the surface.

The good news is that this same principle works the other way. People may not be able to explain why they are inexplicably drawn to someone, yet it is a very real feeling.

Can appearance build self-confidence?

Can appearance build self-confidence?

In short, I would have to say, yes it does – but there are limitations.

I’ve always had a problem with confidence. I used to think that my weight, and the fact that I wore glasses, was responsible for my lack of self-esteem. Later in life, I started losing my hair and that was pretty much the third strike.

I basically spent most of my twenties submerged in computers, and the few jobs I managed to land dealt strictly with programming and data bases – very little human contact. This was fine with me because, while I felt that I’d never meet a woman, I could at least excel in something and get paid well for it. Let me tell you, this sounded a lot better in theory.

Ok, fast forward a few years. I have managed to lose a lot of weight over the past 2 years. In fact, you would never know that I had a weight problem by looking at me. I’ve also given up glasses in favour of contacts. All in all, you could say that I’m a different person.

Ok, do I feel more confident? Well, a little, but I still have a long way to go before I’m able to sit across from a pretty woman and be myself. The dates that I manage to struggle through go ok, considering, but I’d love to be able to feel a little more confident and enjoy the evening instead of dealing with that incredible nervousness I always feel. Maybe it’s normal. Maybe some guys deal with it a little better – who knows.

The fact of the matter is that true confidence needs to come from within – I’m absolutely sure of that now. While improving one’s appearance does help a little, true change must come from within.

So what’s the answer? Perhaps a few hours on the couch might help? Lol.