Falling For Every Woman

In my last post, I talked about the importance of making contact with more than one woman. In other words, it's always a good idea to have a few options. If you want to know the truth, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The main reason is that I have a tendency to fall for a woman very easily.

It can be a real problem when you're trying to play the field and exploring your options. As I mentioned in my last post, putting all your efforts into one person and then having them reject you for whatever reason is not a sensible thing to do.

Eventually, I started dating more and meeting more women. As a result, my tendency to start falling for the first woman I talked to seemed to diminish. I remember as a teenager being teased by my older brothers saying that the first woman who kissed me I'd ask to marry. I suppose they weren't far off on their prediction.

Throughout high school and college, I dated very little and I tended to be somewhat clingy with anyone that showed me even the slightest bit of interest. A lot of this had to do with my low self-esteem and confidence - but that's another story.

The bottom line is that I've discovered that by playing the field and making contact with as many women as possible, I was able to make a more mature and sensible decision as far as who I wanted to get serious with. It's not that I have 20 women at my beck and call, because I'm just an average looking guy; but I discovered that didn't matter anyway. If you put your mind to it, you can get out there and meet tons of people. Anyone can do this - I'm proof of that.

Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

As I mentioned in my last post, you're not really doing yourself any favors by trying to be someone you're not. Eventually it's all going to come down like a house of cards. So, you are simply postponing the inevitable.

One huge mistake I used to make (and I still make sometimes) is that I simply bet everything on one woman. I'd concentrate all my efforts on one particular person and painstakingly tried to polish my act in order to get her to like me. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Any guy who has success with women will tell you that this is a bad idea. It's much better to spread yourself around and have more options.

By not zeroing in on one particular woman, you're better able to play the numbers game - and, quite often, that's exactly what it takes in order to have success in the dating world. Let's face it: not every woman is going to like you. Don't worry, and don't take it personally; that's simply the way it is. There are no two people on the face of this planet that are exactly alike. Sometimes there is simply no chemistry, and other times there are extenuating circumstances that you're not even aware of. Often, it goes past a simple compatibility issue.

By having more than one option available to you, you are creating a much bigger advantage and eventual chance at happiness. While some people may think this approach may be a little on the sleazy side, I beg to differ. It's not like you have to sleep with every partner you come in contact with.

Besides, your true soul mate may actually be out there somewhere while you're wasting your time with someone that isn't your type. You're never going to know this unless you date different people. That is a fact and there's no way around it.

In my case, I quickly realized that my tendency to concentrate on only one person at a time was really my own lack of self-esteem and confidence. Once I was comfortable with one person, I found it difficult to stretch the boundaries and really get out there and try different things. As they say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, that's not exactly the greatest advice in the dating world, unfortunately.

Just be Yourself

As a single guy, and one who is relatively inexperienced in the dating world, one of the toughest challenges I've ever faced was to simply be myself. For some reason, once I was out in public around women, I assumed a different personality because I didn't like my own. This new "me" was always trying to be funny, clever, interesting, and likable. What I usually came off as was a desperate, needy guy who was trying to seek approval and attention from everyone.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly why I couldn't be myself around women. It's not like I had a horrible personality when I was just being me. Yes, I may not have been as talkative, clever, or funny, but I was sincere, down-to-earth and could carry a pretty good conversation.

It's only been within the last year or so that I've realized being yourself is not entirely bad. Heck, if they don't like me, then at least I won't be wasting anyone's time, including my own. Ultimately, if you establish any kind of relationship, your real personality is going to come out anyway - so why prolong it?

I think the problem many guys have is fear of failure. They would rather seek approval from everyone even if it means that they have to completely change their personality. Yes, you may attract more women by putting on this false front, but really, what's it going to buy you in the long run?

Once I started simply being myself, I noticed that I tended not to become stressed out as much. The conversations I did have seemed to be a little more relaxed and fluid. A big part of this new mindset was convincing myself that I didn't have to please everyone and, although I may have had to talk to more women, the ones I did connect with would be real.

So the next time you're talking to a beautiful woman and you're afraid that you're going to lose her if she discovers who you really are, simply remind yourself that there are more fish in the sea and it's not the end of the world. Sometimes dating is just a numbers game and you've got to go through a few rough patches before you find what you're looking for.