Last night, I went out with two people from my previous workplace. I would consider them friends, even though we don’t get together very often. John and Albert are 28 and 30. They are both single and, I suppose one could say, very experienced at picking up women. We got to know each other after a weekend team-building workshop a few years back.
They are both aware of my difficulties with women, although we have never really sat down and talked about it (I guess that after a while these things are just obvious).
The thing is that they probably know it’s a sensitive topic for me and they don’t want to make me feel any worse than I already do.
We got to the club around 10pm and things were pretty busy. There was a lineup outside, however this was not one of those places where the bouncers only let in a certain “type.” There was a lineup because there were just too many people inside.
While waiting, I became very self-conscious as I looked around and noticed how much better everyone looked than me. It seemed that they all looked so much more attractive than I did - Everything from their clothes, to their hair, to their physique. Now, I don’t normally go around looking at guys, however, since the challenge started, I have been noticing others and comparing myself.
Once inside, the music was so loud that there was no way to have a conversation without yelling into someone’s ear. Right away, I was at a disadvantage because after conversation skills, I really have nothing that would interest a woman.
Damn, I wished that I could have done this in a few months - after the results of my exercise and diet started showing. I felt like a fish out of water. I didn’t belong there, and I’m sure many people thought the same. I decided to order a drink at the bar and kinda stand around, looking like I was enjoying myself.
Women were actually looking at me, but they were more curious, puzzled looks than anything - certainly not friendly or flirtatious. I went to the washroom to gain my composure.
Standing in front of the mirror, I looked like hell. My stomach threatened to burst the buttons of my short-sleeve dress shirt, my armpit sweat stains were highly visible, and my ill-fitting polyester pants were straining to hold everything in. What a joke! I couldn’t believe I was actually there.
Having lost my two friends hours ago (they could chat up any woman in the place, even with the music as loud as it was), I was ready to get the hell out of there. I didn’t dare approach any woman because I knew what the result would be – and this wasn’t a “lack of self-esteem” issue – this was a fact. I didn’t belong there – it was too soon – I wasn’t ready. I needed to regain my composure.
I left my beer on the counter and headed out the front door, walking towards the nearest bus-stop.