When I started the dating challenge, I had no idea how to even talk to a woman, let alone ask someone out on a date. For some reason, I assumed that by losing weight and working on my physical appearance, I'd be able to totally transform myself. I couldn't have been more wrong.
What I didn't realize at the time was that my physical appearance was only one contributing factor in my failure with women. There were other things at work here that were hurting me much more than my sloppy appearance.
What I eventually realized was that I had a problem relating to society in general. It simply wasn't that I couldn't talk to women - I couldn't talk to anyone very well. Of course, when I was in a conversation with a woman, things were much worse and my feelings of low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and general inadequacy, took center stage.
I have a friend who suffers from a condition known as social anxiety. Social anxiety is essentially a form of severe shyness. Every time I feel as though I'll never be able to talk to women or get a date, I think of how bad my friend has it. Because of this condition, he cannot talk to women at all, and has never had a date as far as I know. Now, I'm not putting him down and he really is a great friend, but his extreme shyness is just killing his prospects in the dating world.
The only reason I am mentioning this is because, even though I believed I don't have social anxiety, I do have (or had) a problem with shyness.
So, you can see that sometimes you need to take a step or two back and address other problems in your life before you can find success in the dating world. And that is exactly what I did.
It's been well over a year now since I decided that I don't want life passing me by while I remain too shy to achieve the things I want. Although my friend started getting therapy for his condition, I decided that I didn't really need that much help. Quite simply, I just needed more experience socializing and conversing with people.
I decided to step up my social activities and took every advantage to talk to people - and I mean, I talked to everyone. What I found was that this provided valuable experience that I would use in the dating world.
I'm convinced that there is not a problem in the world that can't be improved by simply getting more experience - and my shyness problem was no exception. It took well over a year, but I'm finally to the point where I can relax on dates and have meaningful conversations with women - and the best thing is that I don't come across as nervous, needy, or insecure. Women really do pick up on insecurity and nervousness - and it's generally not a good thing from a dating perspective.
So, the bottom line is that I forced myself to get out in public (even if I had nowhere to go. I would still go for a walk). And the other thing I did was force myself to talk to anyone I could. After a while, this became second nature, and that's when I started getting a little confidence which snowballed from there.
No big secrets here, I just realized what my shortcomings were, made a plan, and the rest is history.
I'm at the point right now where I feel relatively comfortable talking to anyone. I don't feel any need to improve my conversation skills or confidence level anymore than I have, as I am having a decent amount of success the way things are.