Arrogance is Not Confidence

So, what's the difference between confidence and cockiness? If you honestly don't know, then you've got a lot of work ahead of you, not to mention many disappointments along the way.

Although there are guys out there that can get away with being arrogant, cocky, and juvenile; most of us can't pull it off in a positive way. Don't get me wrong, it's not that these guys can't attract beautiful women (in fact, many of them attract the most beautiful women), it's just that any woman of substance will be able to see through this superficial charade without any problem at all.

Arrogance, cockiness, and aggressive behavior are definitely not signs of confidence. This type of behavior is often a cover-up for lack of self-esteem.

Have you ever noticed guys that seem to take great pleasure in putting other people down, making fun of someone, or humiliating others just so they can feel superior? These are also most likely the people that will treat women poorly just to get attention. Does this type of behavior sound like confidence?

The truth of the matter is that women are attracted to confidence – but it must be genuine. They love being with a guy that is comfortable with himself but doesn't let everyone know it – a humble self-assuredness, if you will. This type of guy doesn't need to show everyone else how confident he is by being boisterous and obnoxious.

I can remember getting some bad advice from a book I read some time ago. The basic theory that the author was trying to get across was that every guy should develop a “bad boy” routine. The premise was that this drives women absolutely wild and any man that can master it will also have his choice of any woman he wants.

Unfortunately, I took this advice to heart and went out in the real world to try it out. This was by far one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in the dating world. For one thing, behavior like this really is unacceptable. Secondly, I absolutely did not have the personality to pull this off with any degree of success. Thirdly, it's a good way to get beat up (I'm serious). I won't get into details, but suffice it to say that I thoroughly embarrassed myself and a few of my friends that night. In fact, word got around about my humiliating display and I went through a period where no one wanted to have anything to do with me – this included my closest friends.

So how do you build real confidence?

Well, from my experience and what I've noticed from watching truly confident guys; real confidence has more to do with who you are as a person, the values you hold, and your ability to shoulder responsibility. It's the self-assurance that one gains through knowing his abilities/capabilities – while keeping most of this to himself.

If I could eventually develop this sort of quiet confidence, I'd have it made. Unfortunately, there is much more below the surface than meets the eye, and one cannot simply go from being insecure to being confident overnight.