Online dating - is there still a chance?

My profile still sits on at least 10 online dating sites. Of those, my picture is on at least three, so I logged into a couple last night and started deleting. I was a little melancholy at the fact that all that effort was wasted. In a way, I was half expecting to see some responses, but there was nothing there but spam – 3 months worth.

I suppose what really hurt was the fact that I didn’t hear anything from the woman that gave me the brush-off last month after I drove almost 2 hours to meet her. I thought she might have, at least, given me an excuse; as feeble as that would have been. Yes, people can be cruel.

Oh well, life goes on.

As I was deleting the profiles, I realized that they were not very good at all. Not only were there no pictures, but the bios seemed very rushed and brief, the grammar was bad, there were spelling mistakes, and the lack of style made them painful to read. I compared mine to those from other members, and they didn’t measure up well at all. Some people really put a lot of work into creating a readable and interesting profile. Mine sounded like a lonely hearts ad from the sixties.

I couldn’t remember them being so bad, but I was, after all, conducting a social experiment of sorts. Deep down, I think I expected to get a poor response; therefore I didn’t waste much time slapping them together. It’s funny that I didn’t notice how poor they were at the time.

As I was deleting this trash I had posted, I noticed a very well written ad from a male looking for a female. You could tell that this guy spent a lot of time crafting a very compelling profile. It was well-written, and every question had been filled out in detail. This guy’s dating profile read fluidly from start to finish, and even though it was detailed, it was interesting. What woman would not have been compelled to write to this person?

To top it all off, the photo he submitted didn’t really give you a good look at him. It was partially silhouetted and taken from a distance, but it left an air of mystery in an artsy kind of way – very well done. The guy was obviously a genius. I could learn a lot from a dating site profile like that.

The most inspirational thing about reading his bio was that I could easily put together something like that, given enough time. The profile picture was especially interesting since that was something I considered custom made for my situation. Dark shadows and silhouettes are kind to me. That way I’d have a picture on all of my profiles. I’ve always said that people need to accentuate their positives. The bright, two dimensional, frame-filling, pasty faced photo, that I had the nerve to post, was not flattering in the least. For one thing, it was way too close, and way too detailed.

Now, I know I’ve sworn off dating sites for the time being, but it occurred to me that maybe the lack of success was due to the lack of effort and not me personally.

If this is true, then I have a renewed sense of purpose. I may still be able to work with the online dating sites after all.

Taking a class

In an effort to get out of the house and do something (anything), I decided to take a class at the local college. It occurred to me that I don’t get out as much as I should. Getting rejected a few weeks ago has not made getting back on that horse any easier. However, I now realize that I’ve been getting on the wrong horse all the time.

No more high pressure dating situations for this guy. I have decided to simply try and mingle a little more and expand my circle of friends. With any luck, the dating thing should take care of itself.

The key here is to diffuse the situation. I’m getting carried away and obsessing about the fact that I can’t get a date. I need a time-out, so to speak.


The course I’m taking is web design - and I can honestly say that I’m going in with the most honorable intentions. As I mentioned in an earlier post, it would be kind of low to simply do this to meet women. It’s actually something I can use in my business, and in the worse possible case, I’ll walk away with something. I really needed to learn a little more about web design anyway.

The bottom line: It will still be interesting even if I don’t meet a single person.

My first class will be next Tuesday, and then every Tuesday and Thursday until April. I’m really looking forward to this. Actually, for me, anything internet related is interesting.

I don’t know what to expect and there might be a little anticipatory anxiety leading up to the first session, however, after that, things should settle down. I’m hoping that there is a good mix of people and that I fit in. Oh well, time will tell.

After torturing myself with the singles bars, it will be a refreshing change to simply meet real people for once without having that whole dating thing hanging over our heads.

For the first time in a long time, I feel optimistic.

Dating sites and bars are out - now what?

I’ve come to the conclusion that success is very unlikely if I continue to pursue women in the traditional matter. There is simply too much competition, and I’m ill-equipped to handle the initial hump.

It’s funny how guys seem to all follow the same method of operation when it comes to meeting women. While bars and dating sites require a lot less work and originality, the chance of failure is also great – at least for a guy like me. The problem is that I can never get by the “first impression” stage where everything hinges on attractiveness and creating that initial spark. If I could somehow fast forward past this, I would have a chance to use my other talents – conversation skills, humor, and so forth.

So, the problem is obvious: get out of that high competition situation. That would require a little more original thought, but at least I wouldn’t be following all those other guys like lemmings jumping off a cliff. Yes, originality is where it’s at.

Now, the first thing I need to do is try and decrease the size of that initial hump. In high competition venues such as clubs and dating sites, everything hinges on that first impression. I mean, you don’t even get a chance to open your mouth before a decision is made. We’re talking about a huge hump here – and one that is pretty much insurmountable by mere mortals.

Forget the bars, clubs, dating sites, and dating services – they don’t work for me because I cannot get past the physical looks requirement. If you are reading this and are one of those guys that do function well in competitive situations, then more power to you. For guys like me, however, those venues couldn’t be more wrong.

What’s the solution? I wish I knew. One thing I can say for sure: It’s an area I’ll be concentrating on from here on out. I’ve been there and done that as far as the dating sites and bars go. To me, it’s one big waste of time and I could be using those resources in other ways.

In a nut-shell, my plan will be centered around new activities and trying to meet as many people as possible. It’s funny; I think women would be more receptive to me if there were no presumptions. Without the whole dating, relationship thing getting in the way, the hump seems to be small, or even non-existent – and that’s exactly what I need: to allow others to see the real me.

Yes, I know there is a danger of going down the “friend” road, from which there is no return, but I’m willing to take my chances – it’s not like I’m doing any better now.

One more thing: I’m not going to be operating under false pretences. The plan is not to lure and trick women into being friends, only to pull the old switcheroo later on. In fact, I believe that would be a little low.

My plan is to simply try and meet more people and widen my circle of friends and contacts - at least this way I’ll have an opportunity to work my charm (kidding).

Let’s face it: There is way too much pressure with that whole dating, attractiveness, and relationship thing going on. Sometimes an average guy doesn’t stand a chance.

Dating is a numbers game

“Dating is a numbers game, and in order to have a better chance at meeting your ideal mate, you must get out there and create as many prospects as possible.”

This advice was given to me at a party a few years back by a complete stranger. I think he assumed that I wasn’t exactly what you would call a ladies man, and, in his drunken stupor, decided to share this tidbit of information with me.

I should mention that this guy seemed to be charmed as far as the ladies were concerned. He had a certain quality and confidence when it came to the opposite sex, and everyone noticed it. Even as drunk as he was, I could still sense that several women were flirting with him as we chatted.

In most other circumstances, he would not have bothered to talk to me. We were in different leagues, and I could not even begin to imagine the world that he lived in. He seemed to have that magical, elusive magnetism that naturally attracted people. They just wanted to be close and hang out with him – girls and guys.

Some of the best advice I had ever been given was being willingly shared by this stranger at that party. But, for whatever reason, I decided not to follow it. That was a mistake. What better source of information could I have hoped for? He was living the life I dreamed of – walking the walk, so to speak. Unfortunately, after that night, I never got the chance to continue our talk – different worlds – different leagues. In fact, I doubt that he even remembered a word he said, or who he talked with that night. I felt privileged.

Anyway, amongst other things, he was a firm believer in playing the odds. His theory (nothing really earth-shattering) was that it takes a whole lot of dating and introductions to find someone with whom you are compatible. Well, the truth be told, his castoffs would have been my dream girls – I kid you not. However, the theory, in principle, was a good one.

Plant a whole lot of seeds, and some are sure to sprout and thrive – it’s simple statistics. In his case, he would have chatted up dozens of women to finally settle on one that he would consider dating. In my case, it would be more like attempting to chat up several women and finally having one chat back. But hey, it’s the same in principle.

It was silly of me not to heed his advice. I mean, how many times would I ever get to talk to a guy like this?

I don’t know what made me think about it after all these years, but the theory is sound and makes sense. In fact, I’ll keep it in mind as I decide on my next move.