Is There Hope For Nervous Guys?

Nervous guys don't do well in the dating world. That is a fact. How do I know? Well, I used to be one of the nerdiest and most nervous looking guys you would ever want to meet. Women (and they didn't even have to be good-looking) would send my anxiety through the roof. It was so bad that I was simply unable to say a few words without looking like some kind of weirdo. Whenever I was around a woman that I would consider “dateable material,” I would change from my normal behavior into someone who could not even say hello without sounding (or looking) like I was going to pass out. This was very obvious, and was so embarrassing that most times I avoided any situation where there was any chance that I'd come into contact with the opposite sex. Sad, very very sad.

Some of the physical symptoms included blushing, sweating, and shaking. Oh, and worst of all, I felt as though my throat were constricting to the point that I could not speak. If I did try to say a few words, I always felt out of breath and the tightness in my throat resulted in any words having a peculiar high-pitched squeak to them.

So combine all this with the fact that I was at least 80 pounds overweight, I wore glasses, and that I was starting to lose my hair, and you've got one big mess. In fact, things couldn't have been any worse.

At one point, I decided that it was all in my head and that my physical symptoms weren't that noticeable. However, I was fooling myself. Of course women could see how nervous I was. They didn't say anything, but I could see how they were completely turned off by my lack of confidence

Why am I telling you this?

I suppose it's because I want you to understand that no matter how bad things are, there is hope for all of us. It doesn't matter who you are, whether you're overweight, have below average looks, or that you feel inadequate around women. If a guy like me can do it, anyone can do it.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm able to get any female I desire. In fact, many women are still out of my league – and that's okay – that's reality, and I'm okay with that.

Actually, having the ability to know when someone is out of your league is invaluable. This can save a lot of time and disappointment. I still laugh as I watch some guy hitting on a beautiful woman in a bar that literally has no chance whatsoever. Certainly, I can see that this guy is so far out of her league that it's almost laughable, but somehow no one has told him and he's screwed up the courage to give it a go. This is where good friends are invaluable. A good friend would never let you humiliate yourself like that.

Let's face it, if you have average looks, personality, and confidence, you probably shouldn't be hitting on the most beautiful woman in the place (unless, of course, you thrive on humiliation).Can you eventually get to the point where your personality and confidence is so strong that you can literally pick up any woman you want – regardless of your looks?

Well, lets just say that I've seen it done.

I've seen some very average, or below average, looking guys that have obviously mastered the technique of picking up any woman they desire. Personally, I have not achieved this level of expertise yet. In fact, it may be impossible for me to reach this level – but time will tell.

Signs of Romantic Attraction

Knowing the signs of romantic attraction is critical to happiness in the dating world. Unfortunately, it’s something that I refused to acknowledge for the longest time. While I spent, what seemed as, every waking hour hoping to get women to notice me, much of the real opportunity slipped through my fingers.

If you can’t interpret the subtle messages that women send your way, then you are dead in the water. And here is one important fact: women are a lot less obvious when it comes to sending these signals than men are.

Obviously, nature plays a big part here. Men are just conditioned to convey their feelings toward women in a very, no-nonsense fashion – there is usually no mistaking their feelings and intentions. Women, on the other hand, are much more low-key.

Why did I have a problem interpreting these signs?

Well, it all came down to my lack of self-esteem.

If I was talking with a woman that was sending me these subtle messages, I would always convince myself that my imagination was running wild. Although, I would be aware that she might find me attractive, I would kill the idea in my head without a second thought.

What if I was wrong and made a pass at her? Would she ignore me? Scream? Laugh? Run away? If I ever had the urge to trust my instincts and follow through, my “logical” side would quickly step in and put an end to it. I’d convince myself that she couldn’t have possibly been showing signs of romantic attraction towards me – obviously, I was misreading the situation.

Ultimately, I refused to acknowledge that any woman would be interested in me – it didn’t matter if the signs were subtle or downright forward.

That led to many years of loneliness.

Today, things have improved. I’ve been working on my confidence and self-esteem a little and I am now able to see many of these low-key signals that are being sent my way. Granted, I am still careful to interpret things properly so as to avoid embarrassment, but at the same time, I’ve opened my mind to the possibility that some women do find me attractive and go out of their way to show me.

It’s all to do with confidence and self-esteem. Whoever you decide you are you will become – well, for the most part anyway.

Next: The top 10 signs of romantic attraction. Wondering if she’s interested? Check this out!

Dealing With Rejection

As a single guy, you need to be prepared for rejection. There is no way around this, and it’s something that we all have to deal with. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you can’t handle rejection at all, then you could be in for a very lonely life. It doesn’t matter what you look like or what kind of personality you have – At some point you will be rejected.

This is probably one of the greatest “secrets” of all time and it took me a long time to realize how it worked and why it was so important in the grand scheme of things. One of the most amazing things about rejection is that if you are confident in your abilities and are prepared to handle rejection with some class and dignity, your rejection rate actually decreases.

Like any “failure” in life, rejection is pretty hard to take, initially. Hey, it’s a blow to your ego and many guys take it personally. After all, you are being rejected because you are not quite good enough. How can one not take that personally?

Well, from my experience, there are two things wrong with that way of thinking: First, there could be a number of reasons that she rejected you. It could have nothing to do with you at all – you’ll likely never know the real reason, unfortunately. Second, even if you are rejected because of the way you look or the way you act, that is her opinion only. You cannot unconditionally accept one person’s opinion as the absolute truth. Ok, she might not be attracted to you, but there is always someone out there that will think you are wonderful.

How do I know this? Well, I’ve experienced it many times in the past few years. The real secret here is not to dwell on rejection. If you allow one person’s opinion to wear away at your self-esteem and create negative energy, you will never meet anyone. This person is stealing power from you – don’t give them the satisfaction.