What are your expectations when it comes to socializing and dating?
That’s a question that I’ve been asking myself lately. For as long as I can remember, I’ve sat on the sidelines while the rest of society seemingly carried on flirting, socializing, dating – basically, enjoying life. Yes, I know, I viewed the rest of the world in a somewhat skewed manner.
Now, I’m not naïve enough to believe that everyone else lived their lives as though they were in a beer commercial; but still, I did feel cheated, put down, and robbed of that social connection everyone else seemed to enjoy. It was as if they belonged to an exclusive club that would never consider granting me membership.
Ok, now obviously, that way of thinking is wrong. Sure, there might be a few social circles that I’ll never have a chance with, but those are few and far between. The reality is that I have the capability to connect with people and have a healthy social life. I am capable of expanding my circle of friends.
Where do I need to start? Well, the biggest mistake I am making is that I have unrealistic expectations of how society functions. I’m not talking about dating exclusively, but socializing in general.
For example: I am not a handsome guy, yet I put myself down when women totally ignore me. I expect that they should pay attention to me, flirt, and treat me with kindness. When that doesn’t happen, I feel depressed, resentful, and hurt.
Obviously, I’m missing something here. My expectations are out of whack.
I expect people to be kind towards me.
I expect people to start conversations with me.
I expect to have a large group of friends.
I expect people to make the first move when striking up a conversation.
I expect women to flirt with me.
I expect women to be attracted to me.
I expect others to make first contact.
I expect to be invited to functions.
I expect to be included.
In the past year, I’ve had a major reality check. One thing I have been working on is my expectations. Now, I could have simply lowered my expectations and accepted the fact that society would pretty much ignore me. Low expectations, low results, and everything balances. Or, I could have made an effort to improve my situation, work hard, and earn that which I expected from people.
The keyword here is earned.
Feeble effort equals feeble results.